I know the holidays are suppose to be full of joy, family and all of that other crap that is suppose to make you warm inside. But I can honestly say that this has been the holiday from hell. It just seems like nothing has gone as it 'should'. Where the tree should stand is an empty space, engulfed with dust, overcast by a bitter shadow. The dinner that would have been is not, and the family that was is no more. It makes me really sad.
This is not the holiday season that I had envisioned. But I did make one vow to myself that when I had a family of my own, that the holidays would NEVER be like this. I sometimes wonder why I even came home.
I felt really bad. I could not even tell people Merry Christmas, because I knew it would not be genuine. I guess you could say that I have lost sight of what the holidays are really about. Its just hard to see the true meaning when what you see and experience are filtered into your perception of your existence, leaving you with your version of the Bah Humbug complex.
The holidays are really starting to leave a bad taste in my mouth.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Friday, November 14, 2008
Bitter Dose of Reality
My friend Chrystal called me this evening, sounding slightly reserved. Her tone worried me slightly. She said that she had been thinking about me. Now if you know my friend, you know that she doesn't just THINK she analyzes, lol, and I love her for it. She always has my best interests at heart.
She says she had discussed my current "male" sabbatical with one of her co-workers. She wondered why certain men "chose" certain women. Is is because they are more superficial? So caught up in themselves that they forget that there is more to a person than meets the eye? I can't be sure of why this is, but I can say that I am very cognizant of this porous and shallow way of thinking. But then again, maybe I too am superficial. Something to think about.
Men and women often times complain that there are no good men or women left. Maybe they are all right, may there are no good men or women left, because we are all fed up. Just a thought.
But that being said I retreat not necessarily with a flag of defeat but a flag of peace, I don't want to feel like I have to fight certain widely accepted stereotypes. So from now on I am not going too. Hence my sabbatical.
It's true and has been made abundantly clear that nice men and women do finish last...now that's a bitter dose of reality.
She says she had discussed my current "male" sabbatical with one of her co-workers. She wondered why certain men "chose" certain women. Is is because they are more superficial? So caught up in themselves that they forget that there is more to a person than meets the eye? I can't be sure of why this is, but I can say that I am very cognizant of this porous and shallow way of thinking. But then again, maybe I too am superficial. Something to think about.
Men and women often times complain that there are no good men or women left. Maybe they are all right, may there are no good men or women left, because we are all fed up. Just a thought.
But that being said I retreat not necessarily with a flag of defeat but a flag of peace, I don't want to feel like I have to fight certain widely accepted stereotypes. So from now on I am not going too. Hence my sabbatical.
It's true and has been made abundantly clear that nice men and women do finish last...now that's a bitter dose of reality.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Disgruntled Single Female
I know I know, here I go again with the single, want to date, but can't find a good man nonsense. Just bear with me as I vent.
So the other day my best friend and I had a relatively interesting conversation, that ultimately ended in us agreeing to disagree and me being even more upset with the male species. In this conversation I was informed more or less that men are innate sluts, and that women need to understand that.
I get the whole idea that men and women are designed differently. Things that are important to women are not necessarily important to men. Apparently men have the desire to touch, feel, and screw anything with a warm orifice. Women are more inclined to look for something on a more emotional level. Blah blah blah. Trust me I get it.
But here is what I don't get. When men finally get what it is that they "think" that they want, they're not satisfied. She can't cook, she doesn't clean, she isn't intelligent, and she is less than refined and I am sure that this list could go on.
My question is this, what in the hell did you expect? Fellas this is where you go wrong. You are the most superficial beings on the planet. You are looking for the aesthetic and you are not even sure if you are allergic to the shrubbery. She has a pretty face, a nice figure, but no substance. When are you going to learn that really and truly looks aren't everything?
I guess I am just frustrated because I feel like often times, ok all the time, I get over looked. No I am not thin by any means, but I do look nice when I go out, I have a fantastic personality, I like to consider myself intelligent, I cook, I clean, I love sports, and the list goes on. I am just tired of people complaining that there are no good women. I am tired of men complaining about the crazy women that they attract. I am really just tired of it all.
"Well where do you go to meet people?" someone asked. I had to explain the places I go I think I am in the midst of like minded people, but still get the same result.
So all that being said I have official given up on men. I am not bitter by any means, I just plain give up. If I could erase them (men) from my very existence I would. Does that mean I like women now? Hell No. I still love men, I am just tired of dealing with them, so from now on I won't.
-Signed Disgruntled Single Female
So the other day my best friend and I had a relatively interesting conversation, that ultimately ended in us agreeing to disagree and me being even more upset with the male species. In this conversation I was informed more or less that men are innate sluts, and that women need to understand that.
I get the whole idea that men and women are designed differently. Things that are important to women are not necessarily important to men. Apparently men have the desire to touch, feel, and screw anything with a warm orifice. Women are more inclined to look for something on a more emotional level. Blah blah blah. Trust me I get it.
But here is what I don't get. When men finally get what it is that they "think" that they want, they're not satisfied. She can't cook, she doesn't clean, she isn't intelligent, and she is less than refined and I am sure that this list could go on.
My question is this, what in the hell did you expect? Fellas this is where you go wrong. You are the most superficial beings on the planet. You are looking for the aesthetic and you are not even sure if you are allergic to the shrubbery. She has a pretty face, a nice figure, but no substance. When are you going to learn that really and truly looks aren't everything?
I guess I am just frustrated because I feel like often times, ok all the time, I get over looked. No I am not thin by any means, but I do look nice when I go out, I have a fantastic personality, I like to consider myself intelligent, I cook, I clean, I love sports, and the list goes on. I am just tired of people complaining that there are no good women. I am tired of men complaining about the crazy women that they attract. I am really just tired of it all.
"Well where do you go to meet people?" someone asked. I had to explain the places I go I think I am in the midst of like minded people, but still get the same result.
So all that being said I have official given up on men. I am not bitter by any means, I just plain give up. If I could erase them (men) from my very existence I would. Does that mean I like women now? Hell No. I still love men, I am just tired of dealing with them, so from now on I won't.
-Signed Disgruntled Single Female
Sunday, November 9, 2008
So We Had a House Warming
I think I often times find it therapeutic to write, otherwise I think I would be a bitter and unhappy person. So where do I begin with this weeks' series of debacles?
We decided to have a house warming/ gathering. It was cool. As usual I stressed myself out, but I had a good time and I think that other people had a good time as well. Toward the end of the evening as things a winding down, there is still so much going on. My best friend is drunk off his a** and I am extremely embarrassed, pissed off and enraged, but we'll come back to this story.
There was something that deflated my spirit and actually hurt my feelings quite a bit. As we all sit engaging in conversation, I hear a ringtone with the "Sweet Mother" tune (if you are Nigerian you know exactly what song I am referring too). So when I hear this song, and express that the song is my "jam", the owner of the ringtone asks me how I knew what the song was. Here begins the my downward spiral. I proceed to inform him of my Nigerian heritage, which is soon followed by a look of shock and disbelief from the guy. This has been happening consistently for the past month and some change. Every time I mention anything that has to do with the only culture that I have ever identified with, I am met with looks of shock and disbelief.
I know you are asking why this is a big deal. Its a big deal because my Nigerian culture is who I am, it is the very fabric of my being, and it is the only thing I know. Now for the one thing that you hold dear to come into question from on a constant basis, its like telling a man he's not a man. It strips me and leaves me with nothing. I am just expressing my annoyance with the whole situation, then with my roommate constantly reiterating the fact that I sound or look a certain way has also be come the bane of my existence.
Outside of the my drunk best friend and my lack of Nigerian-ness according to some, the gathering was a success, I think people over all had a good time and that is all that matters right?
We decided to have a house warming/ gathering. It was cool. As usual I stressed myself out, but I had a good time and I think that other people had a good time as well. Toward the end of the evening as things a winding down, there is still so much going on. My best friend is drunk off his a** and I am extremely embarrassed, pissed off and enraged, but we'll come back to this story.
There was something that deflated my spirit and actually hurt my feelings quite a bit. As we all sit engaging in conversation, I hear a ringtone with the "Sweet Mother" tune (if you are Nigerian you know exactly what song I am referring too). So when I hear this song, and express that the song is my "jam", the owner of the ringtone asks me how I knew what the song was. Here begins the my downward spiral. I proceed to inform him of my Nigerian heritage, which is soon followed by a look of shock and disbelief from the guy. This has been happening consistently for the past month and some change. Every time I mention anything that has to do with the only culture that I have ever identified with, I am met with looks of shock and disbelief.
I know you are asking why this is a big deal. Its a big deal because my Nigerian culture is who I am, it is the very fabric of my being, and it is the only thing I know. Now for the one thing that you hold dear to come into question from on a constant basis, its like telling a man he's not a man. It strips me and leaves me with nothing. I am just expressing my annoyance with the whole situation, then with my roommate constantly reiterating the fact that I sound or look a certain way has also be come the bane of my existence.
Outside of the my drunk best friend and my lack of Nigerian-ness according to some, the gathering was a success, I think people over all had a good time and that is all that matters right?
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Era of Obama
I have been off the blogging scene for quite awhile, but I just had to comment.
People said that it could not be done, and still others said it would never be done. But Barack Obama and the American people proved all the cynics wrong. I am 27 and never in my 27 years of living have I ever been so moved by a single event.
People truly are upset, and I am not sure why. This election has brought out the worst and the best in people. Who is to blame for such dissension? Is it history, is it the government? Yes their candidate of choice was not chosen, but what truly is the root of your dissatisfaction? I am not sure they are aware of the magnitude of this election and the elected. I can honestly say that it is not about race, gender or the likes of such. Do I completely agree with all of President-Elect Obama's platforms? Of course not, that would not be realistic. But do I think that he has the charisma, and tenacity to heal a broken nation? You bet. This election is about a people ready for something different stepping away from the status-quo and stepping into true change. I am fully cognizant of the fact that this change is not going to happen over night, and in that same respect I am aware that everything that he wants to happen may never come to pass. I will be satisfied if he does half of what he said he would and makes an attempt at the rest. He can not do it alone, but WE CAN do it together.
He said it himself, this election is not about President-Elect Obama, its about us the people. Its about seeing something in others and not just yourself. Its about instilling that hope in future generations, its about fostering greatness, more importantly is it about healing a nation. I have been may things to many people and people have been many things to me, but this election really changes my view of humankind.
We can not ever underestimate the power of hope, the tenacity of unity, and the spirit of true change. The time is now, its not looking back at what was and remaining stagnant in the wounds of the past. Its about healing and cleansing. Looking to the future and remaining steadfast in the pursuance of our nations goals. You may not be my sista, but you are my SISTER, you may not be my brotha, but you are my BROTHER. Now is not that time for selfishness, it is the time for the true communion of faith and belief, of culture and ideals. I am ready for the challenge that this presents. Mediocrity is no longer the fate of our youth, because there is yet another example of success.
We will no longer be a victim of our circumstance, because we are the circumstance that we create. Its time to leave a legacy, and not a memory. Let's re-write history.
-Signed
Leaving a legacy for my children and my children's children for generations to come
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Older, Wiser, and Still Single
Yea so today is my birthday, and I am 2o something. Happy Birthday to me. I don't like birthdays because they remind me of the things I have yet to do in my lifetime. I suppose that this birthday is a little different. I am back in school, and working toward the future, but it is still similar in that fact that I am still single, which shouldn't be a big deal, but it sucks, just the same.
My good friend came into town to help me celebrate. It was refreshing because I know that if she had not come in town I would have been at the house the entire time. Today we went to a winery, it was nice, inexpensive, and had a bit if a calming affect, it was a nice change. Yes I tasted the wine. Alcohol is still no appealing to me. After the winery we happened about a festival called Grapefest. We just walked the "strip", looked around, enjoyed the atmosphere.
Later on that evening we went out. It was cool. But I couldn't help but feel like something was missing. I enjoyed myself and then it ended and that was it.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Feelings, Insults and more Insults....
Just as a random sidebar I am in love with my degree program. Ok enough of that.
So my heart has been a little weighted. Not that I feel horribly sad or anything, just a little on the lonely side. I know I have said it before but its been sitting on the frontal lobe ever since the wedding. You know even the person that you would least expect to be bothered by lack of companionship is affected when there is that void. Alas that is where I am. I think that this lack of companionship is making me feel "some type of way" toward certain people. I don't know if it is some form of a defense mechanism (which I am sure it is, but that's irrelevant).
Someone said something to me this evening that left me enraged. It involved me and me possible being jealous and catty. Now I can add this the repitoure of things I do not consider myself to be but apparently my view of myself is skewed according to these folks. Enter the insult vault if you will:
2006 - Big Boned Mean Ugly
2008 - Jealous and Catty
And here I am thinking that I am making progress. All I have to say is that these things are insulting and really make me wonder, what people truly think of me. I know it is important not to be worried what others think, but I do think that perception is important. If these are the vibes that I am giving off to be read by others, I need to go buy some new pheromones, so that I can disassociate myself with the above presented stigmas. At the end of the day I hate to say it but the individuals that used these terms are self consumed bastards, and should really get a grip on themselves. I am so over the drama.
-Signed Big Boned Mean Ugly Jealous Catty Chick.
So my heart has been a little weighted. Not that I feel horribly sad or anything, just a little on the lonely side. I know I have said it before but its been sitting on the frontal lobe ever since the wedding. You know even the person that you would least expect to be bothered by lack of companionship is affected when there is that void. Alas that is where I am. I think that this lack of companionship is making me feel "some type of way" toward certain people. I don't know if it is some form of a defense mechanism (which I am sure it is, but that's irrelevant).
Someone said something to me this evening that left me enraged. It involved me and me possible being jealous and catty. Now I can add this the repitoure of things I do not consider myself to be but apparently my view of myself is skewed according to these folks. Enter the insult vault if you will:
2006 - Big Boned Mean Ugly
2008 - Jealous and Catty
And here I am thinking that I am making progress. All I have to say is that these things are insulting and really make me wonder, what people truly think of me. I know it is important not to be worried what others think, but I do think that perception is important. If these are the vibes that I am giving off to be read by others, I need to go buy some new pheromones, so that I can disassociate myself with the above presented stigmas. At the end of the day I hate to say it but the individuals that used these terms are self consumed bastards, and should really get a grip on themselves. I am so over the drama.
-Signed Big Boned Mean Ugly Jealous Catty Chick.
Debunking my inner HOMEGIRL
I know some of you are going to look at this post like what in the world is that suppose to mean. Some people might even initially take it as a 'possible' insult, but hold on a moment, i will clarify shortly.
So I am taking this opportunity to step outside of my box. I have been accused of being "The Homegirl". I must admit I am not your typical female, I think a little differently, I act a little differently, at times I dress a little differently. When I am out and DJ Screw's "3 in the Mornin'" comes on I'll admit I go into a trance and recite all of the lyrics, bobbing to the beat throwing my hands in the air like I just don't care, I can't help it, that's just me. But does that make me any less feminine? Does it make me any less sophisticated? I'm not sure....but apparently it does make me more of a HOMEGIRL.
As we all know the idea of relationship or anything associated with a relationship is difficult and complicatedly convoluted. There is no such thing as the perfect man or woman. Our ideal is always flawed seeking a level of perfection that can never be obtained.
My friends primarily Chrystal would describe me as insatiable, nothing is ever good enough or it could always be better. Often times I can be found at dinner complaining that I am always a friend to most of my male acquaintances and nothing more. Chrystal made an attempt to target why, especially since in 2008 I am making a few changes in this game of life. She agreed, the pit fall of the friendship zone is just that, you get stuck in the friendship zone. She urged me to change my approach to the opposite sex. I'll give it an honest go, but I make no promises.
We'll see how this works out...Stay tuned.
So I am taking this opportunity to step outside of my box. I have been accused of being "The Homegirl". I must admit I am not your typical female, I think a little differently, I act a little differently, at times I dress a little differently. When I am out and DJ Screw's "3 in the Mornin'" comes on I'll admit I go into a trance and recite all of the lyrics, bobbing to the beat throwing my hands in the air like I just don't care, I can't help it, that's just me. But does that make me any less feminine? Does it make me any less sophisticated? I'm not sure....but apparently it does make me more of a HOMEGIRL.
As we all know the idea of relationship or anything associated with a relationship is difficult and complicatedly convoluted. There is no such thing as the perfect man or woman. Our ideal is always flawed seeking a level of perfection that can never be obtained.
My friends primarily Chrystal would describe me as insatiable, nothing is ever good enough or it could always be better. Often times I can be found at dinner complaining that I am always a friend to most of my male acquaintances and nothing more. Chrystal made an attempt to target why, especially since in 2008 I am making a few changes in this game of life. She agreed, the pit fall of the friendship zone is just that, you get stuck in the friendship zone. She urged me to change my approach to the opposite sex. I'll give it an honest go, but I make no promises.
We'll see how this works out...Stay tuned.
Monday, August 25, 2008
New Beginnings
Its the Genesis!
This weekend a good friend of mine got married and it was fantastic. Just to overwhelmingly feeling of joy and love that filled the room. It made me want to get married. LOL one thing at a time I suppose.
Well today is the first day of my Graduate academic career. I haven't been in school in awhile so I am a little on the nervous side. I just pray that everything goes will and I know it will otherwise the lord would not have ordered my steps in the way that he has. So pray for me during these next few years. God is working a mighty work and I can't not wait to see the outcome. I'm off to class.
Begin week 1
-Signed old school in a new school trying to get schooled...lol
This weekend a good friend of mine got married and it was fantastic. Just to overwhelmingly feeling of joy and love that filled the room. It made me want to get married. LOL one thing at a time I suppose.
Well today is the first day of my Graduate academic career. I haven't been in school in awhile so I am a little on the nervous side. I just pray that everything goes will and I know it will otherwise the lord would not have ordered my steps in the way that he has. So pray for me during these next few years. God is working a mighty work and I can't not wait to see the outcome. I'm off to class.
Begin week 1
-Signed old school in a new school trying to get schooled...lol
Friday, August 22, 2008
DFW - The Exhausted Edition
Ok so I am tired. No I mean really tired. I don't that in the last week that I have had a full nights rest. I suppose that is my own fault. Currently I am waiting to board my flight to New Orleans, for the marriage/mini reunion of the crew...did I mention that I a little on the tired side? I have just been going non-stop but I suppose that is a something that is to be expected with me. I like to go, it does not matter where or when, I just like to go, and when I am idle, by myself I that just gives me to much time to reflect on past occurrences. Often times these reflections lead me to one of my patented "moments", which are usually not good things. I might need to work on this. But I think idle time is boring. Or rather I am afraid of what might surface if left to reflect for too long. Anyhow I am rambling...I think its time for me to go. Until next time....
Idly I wait wondering
but I busy myself so that my wonder
saunters and moves me to a fast pace
paced so I can't face the things that I fear
but alas my saunter ceases and I am back to wondering
facing fear in the face
wondering what is to become of me
pacing so the negative doesn't catch up
running after the positive
I reach out and it ducks
but sometimes I catch it
and for a moment I am ok
then it escapes my grasp
and I am left to wonder
then saunter
then face fear again.
Idly I wait wondering
but I busy myself so that my wonder
saunters and moves me to a fast pace
paced so I can't face the things that I fear
but alas my saunter ceases and I am back to wondering
facing fear in the face
wondering what is to become of me
pacing so the negative doesn't catch up
running after the positive
I reach out and it ducks
but sometimes I catch it
and for a moment I am ok
then it escapes my grasp
and I am left to wonder
then saunter
then face fear again.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Apparently 8 is a number for change..I MOVED
So its the 8 month in the year 2008 and things are changing. I am leaving houston, starting school, and starting to see life from a different perspective.
This past weekend I moved to Fort Worth. I love my apartment, now I have to work on the educational and social aspects of life, but I am sure those things come with time.
My first outing was a little different than I imagined it. I should have been a time for reunions, laughs and good times, but I really just found myself quite agitated for whatever reason. For the sake of conversation I will charge it to the fact that I had just arrived and moved in most of my things and I was tired.
Fort Worth is a little slow, and a little removed from the social hub of the DFW metroplex. It has its highs and lows, but over all I think it will be an enjoyable experience. I am excited about starting school. For the first time in a long time I feel as though I have purpose and direction. I really do see great things for the future and I am truly thankful that God lit my path so that I could find my way.
I already feel a little lonely. I didn't think it would happen but I kind of miss Houston. I just think that the fact that people that I have been around for the past few years are not in close proximity makes me nervous, what will I do for fun?..lol
I'll be going to New Orleans for the first time, this weekend and I am excited....I get to reunite with my guys friends, who are AWESOME!! I think we are going to have a good time.
The saga continues...
This past weekend I moved to Fort Worth. I love my apartment, now I have to work on the educational and social aspects of life, but I am sure those things come with time.
My first outing was a little different than I imagined it. I should have been a time for reunions, laughs and good times, but I really just found myself quite agitated for whatever reason. For the sake of conversation I will charge it to the fact that I had just arrived and moved in most of my things and I was tired.
Fort Worth is a little slow, and a little removed from the social hub of the DFW metroplex. It has its highs and lows, but over all I think it will be an enjoyable experience. I am excited about starting school. For the first time in a long time I feel as though I have purpose and direction. I really do see great things for the future and I am truly thankful that God lit my path so that I could find my way.
I already feel a little lonely. I didn't think it would happen but I kind of miss Houston. I just think that the fact that people that I have been around for the past few years are not in close proximity makes me nervous, what will I do for fun?..lol
I'll be going to New Orleans for the first time, this weekend and I am excited....I get to reunite with my guys friends, who are AWESOME!! I think we are going to have a good time.
The saga continues...
Friday, August 8, 2008
It's been a Long time, but now I am back with the jump off..
Ok I know the title is a little on the lame side, but it was funny to me so I suppose that is all that matters.
So what has been up with me since I have been gone, lets see..
1. I am still single, but surprisingly happy and worry free (who would have thunk it...lol)
2. I still work at my job that I don't particularly like until the 15th then I am peacing out!!
3. During the month of July I had the pleasure of working with the National Youth Leadership Forum on Medicine and it was markedly one of the most eye opening experiences, and I LOVED IT!!
4. On August 16th I will officially be Leaving the Houston area and become a resident of the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex (YIKES....oh yea and GOOOOOOOOOOOO ROCKETS!!) ha ha ha
5. It is August 8th and I have still not packed for my move, I feel like I have a billion people see and no time to see them and that kind of makes me sad...
6. My boy KC is getting married in the NO and I am so excited because it is going to be a mini-reunion
7. My BFF finally realized what I have been thinking all along, and I almost feel bad
8. Last but not least...I am extremely bored at work right now.....oh well...back at it until next time.
So what has been up with me since I have been gone, lets see..
1. I am still single, but surprisingly happy and worry free (who would have thunk it...lol)
2. I still work at my job that I don't particularly like until the 15th then I am peacing out!!
3. During the month of July I had the pleasure of working with the National Youth Leadership Forum on Medicine and it was markedly one of the most eye opening experiences, and I LOVED IT!!
4. On August 16th I will officially be Leaving the Houston area and become a resident of the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex (YIKES....oh yea and GOOOOOOOOOOOO ROCKETS!!) ha ha ha
5. It is August 8th and I have still not packed for my move, I feel like I have a billion people see and no time to see them and that kind of makes me sad...
6. My boy KC is getting married in the NO and I am so excited because it is going to be a mini-reunion
7. My BFF finally realized what I have been thinking all along, and I almost feel bad
8. Last but not least...I am extremely bored at work right now.....oh well...back at it until next time.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Things are on the Up and UP...
Goodness it has been so long, so many things have happened.
Barack Obama is the democratic bid for the presidency
McCain bless his hear seems to be holding on for dear life....
I for the past few weeks I have been working with NYLF and I LOVE it.
I have found the meaning in life
And so many doors are beginning to open up..
Things are definately on the UP and UP
Stay tuned....
Barack Obama is the democratic bid for the presidency
McCain bless his hear seems to be holding on for dear life....
I for the past few weeks I have been working with NYLF and I LOVE it.
I have found the meaning in life
And so many doors are beginning to open up..
Things are definately on the UP and UP
Stay tuned....
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Man its been a LONG time...
Man it is has been a long time since I have been on here. I know not years but it has been long enough..so much has happened, things have changed.....The updates a coming be patient....
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Things are never what they seem
I have had a hard lesson in reality and I have come to the conclusion that it sucks. Gone are the times of the cloudy haze and the bold sunshine. Gone are the days for youthful laughter and carefree days. I know too much, more than I would ever wish to have ever known. Now questions of when, where and why surround me. I am actually really disappointed. The pedestal that they stood on wavers and is crumbling...with each page that I read. I knew it was none of my business, but I kept searching and I kept digging. What I was looking for I don't know, but what I found I wish I could give back. My heart is heavy, and my view tainted. Is nothing left in this world sacred?
bitterly defeated in the idea of forever and love. I am not sure it exists, and that makes me sad. I don't want to fall victim to the same fate. So does that mean in order to protect myself from what might be that I continually shield myself a emotional recluse. Its going to take something short of a miracle to free my heart from its Alcatraz.
bitterly defeated in the idea of forever and love. I am not sure it exists, and that makes me sad. I don't want to fall victim to the same fate. So does that mean in order to protect myself from what might be that I continually shield myself a emotional recluse. Its going to take something short of a miracle to free my heart from its Alcatraz.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Our 5th Deltaversary
Though it may seem trivial to some, unfathomable to others, on this day in the year 2003 my prophytes gave birth to a wonderful line of women, for whom I will be eternally grateful. April 22, 2003 was the day that I was officially a member of the greatest organization ever Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Incorporated!
It is amazing how time has come and gone. How we have all changed and grown. I love my linesisters with all my heart 15-to-Life. I suppose only a fellow greek could truly understand the bound that we share.
When I think of what the women of Delta went through before me, I am filled with pride. An organization rich in history, and even richer in victory, it makes me that much more determined to make a positive mark on the world. Its with great fortitude that I look forward to the future.
Happy line birthday LSes, your tail loves you mucho!!! Elephant Hugs and Kisses!!
Wearing crimson, standing tall
Fortitude our symbol of strength and perseverance above all
She reaches back for those left behind
While reaching forward toward the future ahead
As we look toward the light to guide our path
The delta women before set a standard, and set the bar high
22 strong they all stood
From Osceola to Edith a true sisterhood
Making a change for the greater good
Determined
Dedicated
As a delta woman should
Never shying away from a cause that others would
I'm proud
Proud to be
A member of the elite
The elite that wears Crimson and Cream
No one will ever tell me different
Through the tides of time
Delta women are women of class, distinction, character and so much more
Chanting a chant that continuously rang
1913 was a year of change
from thence forward the world would never be the same
So forward the women of Delta march
not for fame fortune, or trivial cost
But for the betterment of a people, education held high
I'll represent Delta Sigma Theta ‘til the day I die!
By: Naija Couture
Thursday, April 3, 2008
?? My QUESTION MARKed Existence ??
It’s a curved line that ends at a secluded island
It emphatically represents what I now feel
The unknown splashed with a dose of reality
It's Like I am alone
And I have said it before
Its my question mark
The path is followed
And met with a dead end
I reach out to hold my prize on my secluded island
But alas I fail
And I fall
Into the land of the in between
And the not quite
Always reaching
Reaching with all my might
But never getting what I think I deserve
I am left question filled
And slightly perturbed
Was life meant to be this hard
I look up and get angry
“What more do you have for me today” I ask
I rant I rave I slash and burn
The destructive nature of what I feel materialized in the physical
And I am left with disillusion and disarray
Hoping to put back together the pieces
Cause humpty fell off the wall that day
And like him my spirit is in pieces
My glues not strong enough
And when I think it is
Is washable, dilute in strength and perseverance
I don’t know if I can go through something, anything again
I’m tired
I’m worn
Feeling pressure to the point that my vision blurs
Nothing is as it seems
And my present state of being concurs
I run to relieve the stress
But I run on a treadmill and my progress is still
Cause I am running in place
I want to get away
And I want to be free
But something or someone refuses to let me be
What is holding me back
And knocking me down
What is covering me in ashes
As my storm surrounds
Me
I can’t see
I can’t feel
The only thing I feel is disappointment
The only thing I see is dark
My heart is heavy
And my spirit sparse.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Skiing is NOOOOO Joke
So I went skiing...that's right folks SKIING
my black skin, against the blinding whiteness of snow.
I tried to go but fear crippled me and I punked-out on the bunny slopes..lol
I flew to D.C. on Valentine's Day, it seems as though D.C. has become my new home away from home and my temporary escape from reality. We went to the Twinz Jazz Cafe. The music was cool..the establishment cozy, but the food though left much to be desired. Afterwards we hit up a club, it was cramped and definitely not up to any of our standards, but it was something to do and it was ....FREE..lol
The next day we would embark upon our skiing endeavor. We were traveling to Reading, Pennsylvania. This trip was going to be interesting. We were staying in the Sheraton, that looked like a re-vamped Days Inn, yea it was an absolute mess.
The bus ride was cool, being that I was out of my own domain, I spoke with the people I knew, listened to music, and slept. The bus ride lasted about 3 hours. As usual I had OVER packed. If you know me packing has never been something that I mastered. But never the less we arrived and did so safely, so I was thankful for that.
The trip was booked through a company that shall remain name-less for fear of copy right infringement, defamation of character, and just the shear shame of association...lol. The Group that we traveled with appropriately named the trip "Black Ice 2008". Upon arrival there was a sort of meet and greet with an open bar and "other" refreshments.
The 'other' refreshments included and were limited too: donuts: glazed, chocolate glazed, white glazed, and fruit filled. Tomato soup, your choice of crackers and/or bread, and a cup of ice cold water. Hmm yum....
We walked in and to our surprise we were greeted with the stench of stale carpeting & bengay, and what appeared to be a family reunion. Obliviously the people that we booked the trip through neglected to say that age range of its guest would be so wide. Ages 4 - 100...this was going to be very interesting. On the agenda for the evening, were the meet and greet, an adults only entertainment option and a Pajama After Party.
Before we 'partied' we picked up our registration materials at the front
Where do I begin? The meet and greet = WACK. The Adult only entertainment option = DISGUSTINGLY TACKY to the point that myself and my friend C just had to leave. Last but not least the faux "Pajama Jam", where people felt the need to wear nighties and silk pjs and furry house shoes. Hilarious.
We stayed just long enough for them to play Beyonce's 'Get Me Bodied", which seems to have become the national female song of unity...lol.
The next day we collected our ski's (yes we had to carry them OURSELVES, TO the ski lodge....GREAT..*insert disgruntled smiley here*). At breakfast we were met with scone inspired pancakes (that translates into dry and crumbly), "scrambled eggs", bacon, sausage, grits, and cereal. Oh and please let me not forget the orange juice (from concentrate) that was 10% juice and 90% water...uh yea nasty.
At the ski resort we were all riddled with anticipation. The snow was well white and deceptively inviting. Some how some way, I decided to allow my friends to talk me into NOT taking ski lessons, absolutely the WORST decision ever. A little tidbit about me, I am accident prone ( i just play it off well), afraid of heights, and afraid of falling, HARD. So being adventurous, I wrapped myself up, put on my ski's and tried my damnedest not to fall.
So as we approached the bunny slope, my friends just jumped into it. I was hesitant. I was barely standing still on my ski's and you want me to go DOWN a slope. I took one look and new that if I wanted to live that I should probably sit this one out. I moved to the side and tried to maneuver myself through this skiing endeavor. Skiing folks is NO joke. I was on flat land and still wasn't able to grasp the fundamentals, and I was an athlete for goodness sake. Ha ha ha. I suppose the operative phrase here is USE TO BE, lol. As the children swooped past startling me, I realized that I should probably call it quits. I know I know, I so PUNKED out *insert sad face here*
It wasn't long before C and Co. returned asking me where I had been. I explained to them my skiing failure they laughed, I shrugged my shoulders, and we all decided to go SNOW TUBING.
I have come to the realization that I am a scary person at times. (Ok I already new this but now I am letting you know.) We arrive at the snowtubing area and I am not quite sure it is something that I want to do, but being that previously I opted out of an activity, I thought it would be in my best interest to participate. So I did. we walked around and up a mountain to the snow tubing line where we collected our family tube and we went plunging. I screamed as I saw my life flash before my eyes, I think I even shed a tear. For some reason I just can't stand that feeling of your stomach being in your throat, its just disturbing. After my fit and the realization that I was still alive, I realized that it wasn't all that bad. I'd do it again, but the line was long and it was time to go.
So my first ski experience was over. It was bitter sweet. Would I do it again. Heck yea.
Later on that evening we had 'dinner' which was the dining highlight of the whole trip since everything else left much to be desired and got ready for the 'evening' events.
Michael Blackston and Avant were performers for the evening. It was cool. Blackston did pretty much the same ish as always, so I was bored for a bit. Then Avant followed, asking people not to record videos or take pictures, do you think he got is wish?..lol
Avant kind of put me in a "I want a boo" mood, blah. Music is my muse and will ultimately be my demise. I got over it eventually. So that was the end of the trip just about, we partied (kind of), we hung out, and more importantly we got away. Lord knows you just need to get away sometimes, even if it is rom a hint of shady organization.
-Awaiting the next trip.....definitely somewhere warm...I can't wait!
my black skin, against the blinding whiteness of snow.
I tried to go but fear crippled me and I punked-out on the bunny slopes..lol
I flew to D.C. on Valentine's Day, it seems as though D.C. has become my new home away from home and my temporary escape from reality. We went to the Twinz Jazz Cafe. The music was cool..the establishment cozy, but the food though left much to be desired. Afterwards we hit up a club, it was cramped and definitely not up to any of our standards, but it was something to do and it was ....FREE..lol
The next day we would embark upon our skiing endeavor. We were traveling to Reading, Pennsylvania. This trip was going to be interesting. We were staying in the Sheraton, that looked like a re-vamped Days Inn, yea it was an absolute mess.
The bus ride was cool, being that I was out of my own domain, I spoke with the people I knew, listened to music, and slept. The bus ride lasted about 3 hours. As usual I had OVER packed. If you know me packing has never been something that I mastered. But never the less we arrived and did so safely, so I was thankful for that.
The trip was booked through a company that shall remain name-less for fear of copy right infringement, defamation of character, and just the shear shame of association...lol. The Group that we traveled with appropriately named the trip "Black Ice 2008". Upon arrival there was a sort of meet and greet with an open bar and "other" refreshments.
The 'other' refreshments included and were limited too: donuts: glazed, chocolate glazed, white glazed, and fruit filled. Tomato soup, your choice of crackers and/or bread, and a cup of ice cold water. Hmm yum....
We walked in and to our surprise we were greeted with the stench of stale carpeting & bengay, and what appeared to be a family reunion. Obliviously the people that we booked the trip through neglected to say that age range of its guest would be so wide. Ages 4 - 100...this was going to be very interesting. On the agenda for the evening, were the meet and greet, an adults only entertainment option and a Pajama After Party.
Before we 'partied' we picked up our registration materials at the front
Where do I begin? The meet and greet = WACK. The Adult only entertainment option = DISGUSTINGLY TACKY to the point that myself and my friend C just had to leave. Last but not least the faux "Pajama Jam", where people felt the need to wear nighties and silk pjs and furry house shoes. Hilarious.
We stayed just long enough for them to play Beyonce's 'Get Me Bodied", which seems to have become the national female song of unity...lol.
The next day we collected our ski's (yes we had to carry them OURSELVES, TO the ski lodge....GREAT..*insert disgruntled smiley here*). At breakfast we were met with scone inspired pancakes (that translates into dry and crumbly), "scrambled eggs", bacon, sausage, grits, and cereal. Oh and please let me not forget the orange juice (from concentrate) that was 10% juice and 90% water...uh yea nasty.
At the ski resort we were all riddled with anticipation. The snow was well white and deceptively inviting. Some how some way, I decided to allow my friends to talk me into NOT taking ski lessons, absolutely the WORST decision ever. A little tidbit about me, I am accident prone ( i just play it off well), afraid of heights, and afraid of falling, HARD. So being adventurous, I wrapped myself up, put on my ski's and tried my damnedest not to fall.
So as we approached the bunny slope, my friends just jumped into it. I was hesitant. I was barely standing still on my ski's and you want me to go DOWN a slope. I took one look and new that if I wanted to live that I should probably sit this one out. I moved to the side and tried to maneuver myself through this skiing endeavor. Skiing folks is NO joke. I was on flat land and still wasn't able to grasp the fundamentals, and I was an athlete for goodness sake. Ha ha ha. I suppose the operative phrase here is USE TO BE, lol. As the children swooped past startling me, I realized that I should probably call it quits. I know I know, I so PUNKED out *insert sad face here*
It wasn't long before C and Co. returned asking me where I had been. I explained to them my skiing failure they laughed, I shrugged my shoulders, and we all decided to go SNOW TUBING.I have come to the realization that I am a scary person at times. (Ok I already new this but now I am letting you know.) We arrive at the snowtubing area and I am not quite sure it is something that I want to do, but being that previously I opted out of an activity, I thought it would be in my best interest to participate. So I did. we walked around and up a mountain to the snow tubing line where we collected our family tube and we went plunging. I screamed as I saw my life flash before my eyes, I think I even shed a tear. For some reason I just can't stand that feeling of your stomach being in your throat, its just disturbing. After my fit and the realization that I was still alive, I realized that it wasn't all that bad. I'd do it again, but the line was long and it was time to go.
So my first ski experience was over. It was bitter sweet. Would I do it again. Heck yea.
Later on that evening we had 'dinner' which was the dining highlight of the whole trip since everything else left much to be desired and got ready for the 'evening' events.
Michael Blackston and Avant were performers for the evening. It was cool. Blackston did pretty much the same ish as always, so I was bored for a bit. Then Avant followed, asking people not to record videos or take pictures, do you think he got is wish?..lol
Avant kind of put me in a "I want a boo" mood, blah. Music is my muse and will ultimately be my demise. I got over it eventually. So that was the end of the trip just about, we partied (kind of), we hung out, and more importantly we got away. Lord knows you just need to get away sometimes, even if it is rom a hint of shady organization.
-Awaiting the next trip.....definitely somewhere warm...I can't wait!
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Valentine's Day 2008
Valentine's day 2008. This is a day that I have distinctly made a point of disregarding in my life time. I suppose for the longest time, I associated Valentine's Day with certain things that made me resent it, you know stuff like, relationships, love, boys and anything that might make you go AWWWW. I didn't get a card or candy from a boy I liked so to me the day was a waste.
This year I received texts, and valentines from friends, primarily female. I went to a Jazz cafe in D.C. with my friends. But it was all still bitter sweet. I reminisced on Valentine's of old, as the jazz band played in the background, sultry sounds mixed with the up tempo beat of a drum, caressed with the underlying subtlety of the plucked strings of a bass. All the band members including the singer closed their eyes as they played...I closed mine too...I never really had a valentine, but I'd always wanted one. And to be honest I can't really remember any of the previous February 14th's except for one. I suppose I was especially miserable this day. I sat in the dark, and I didn't want to be bothered. I was sad. It was another February 14th and feel like in the relationship realm I had failed. Yes you have your friends that send you cute cards, you plan to do things to get your mind off of THIS day, but we had done all, and I sat, alone.
My phone rang and I picked it up. I had something at the Student Union Building. I wasn't really interested in leaving where I was, but I did. I was curious...I had something...hmm. I scurried over to see what it was. It was a single red carnation, with a ribbon and a message attached. If was from a person that at that time I was quite found of. He had taken the time to send ME a carnation with a message
"All Men Aren't Dogs"
I smiled a little. I knew that I could be really hard on the male species, but I think I was a victim of seeing too much before I had experienced it. And from what I had seen, I definitely could do with out actually going through such things myself. I said I smiled a little. I lied, I smiled, a lot. This had, kind of in a sick and debilitating way, warmed my heart and made me smile and made me actually believe that in that one instant that he was right, all men aren't dogs.
That was a valentine's day that I would never forget, other things happened that day but I'd rather focus on the good that come of that. There are a few things in my lifetime that I regret, but being a person that loves too hard at times is not one of those things. I can't help that I fall emotionally sometimes, but I know that, the emotion that I share with a few is genuine its real and should not be taken for granted. Valentines day is a day of love, respect and adoration, its a day were you realize that even with the bad that comes in relationships and friendships that just in that instant to feel the emotion of love is a blessing. I've loved (at least I think) and I have hurt (this I know for a fact), but I won't regret.
Happy Valentine's Day!
This year I received texts, and valentines from friends, primarily female. I went to a Jazz cafe in D.C. with my friends. But it was all still bitter sweet. I reminisced on Valentine's of old, as the jazz band played in the background, sultry sounds mixed with the up tempo beat of a drum, caressed with the underlying subtlety of the plucked strings of a bass. All the band members including the singer closed their eyes as they played...I closed mine too...I never really had a valentine, but I'd always wanted one. And to be honest I can't really remember any of the previous February 14th's except for one. I suppose I was especially miserable this day. I sat in the dark, and I didn't want to be bothered. I was sad. It was another February 14th and feel like in the relationship realm I had failed. Yes you have your friends that send you cute cards, you plan to do things to get your mind off of THIS day, but we had done all, and I sat, alone.
My phone rang and I picked it up. I had something at the Student Union Building. I wasn't really interested in leaving where I was, but I did. I was curious...I had something...hmm. I scurried over to see what it was. It was a single red carnation, with a ribbon and a message attached. If was from a person that at that time I was quite found of. He had taken the time to send ME a carnation with a message
"All Men Aren't Dogs"
I smiled a little. I knew that I could be really hard on the male species, but I think I was a victim of seeing too much before I had experienced it. And from what I had seen, I definitely could do with out actually going through such things myself. I said I smiled a little. I lied, I smiled, a lot. This had, kind of in a sick and debilitating way, warmed my heart and made me smile and made me actually believe that in that one instant that he was right, all men aren't dogs.
That was a valentine's day that I would never forget, other things happened that day but I'd rather focus on the good that come of that. There are a few things in my lifetime that I regret, but being a person that loves too hard at times is not one of those things. I can't help that I fall emotionally sometimes, but I know that, the emotion that I share with a few is genuine its real and should not be taken for granted. Valentines day is a day of love, respect and adoration, its a day were you realize that even with the bad that comes in relationships and friendships that just in that instant to feel the emotion of love is a blessing. I've loved (at least I think) and I have hurt (this I know for a fact), but I won't regret.
Happy Valentine's Day!
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Dinner with my LS - The Prayer Formula-Food For the Soul
So my 5 and I (thats my line sister who's number is 5 for those that aren't following) met up at the Kona Grill just because, which is always nice considering that life has a funny way of commandeering as my mother would put it, ever moment and breath of our existence. At times we don't get the opportunity to breathe, not that we can't but we forget too. But this was my waiting to exhale moment minus a man to complicate things and the worries of the the world. So my LS, as well as one of my very best friends took the time to meet up for a momentary escape from reality. Many things were discussed, the state of the school system, the frightening state of the black youth, and how were going to get out and meet new people (primarily of the opposite sex). We ate some, some drank and then we continued to discuss life.
The Lord really works in some SUPER mysterious ways, he opens your eyes to things that are at times inconceivable leaving you to revel in the altruistic power of his love.
Anyhow my 5 and I were talking and was telling me about a sermon given by the pastor of her church discussing how to pray. As kids many of us are taught to pray, but few of really know how to pray, me included so what my LS was telling me made a lot of sense.
She said that her pastor told them that there was a prayer formula that hit 6 points:
1. Praise & Worship - Acknowledgment
2. Pray IN God's Will
3. Pray for Need
4. Pray for Forgiveness
5. Pray for Protection
6. Praise & Worship - Acknowledgment
She said that the Lord's Prayer was a perfect example or if you will prayer template.
Sometimes we pray and we pray and we feel as though the things that we have have prayed for have not been fulfilled and have not been fulfilled in OUR time. I think it is important to remember that immediate gratification of anything is never lasts. It comes and it goes and we are still left were we began empty. So pray faithfully, diligently, and gracefully. Pray for yourself, your family, your friends and your enemies. Pray for patience, understanding, and fulfillment. For what God has for you is for you and you alone, no one can steal that blessing.
Prayerfully yours.....
AMEN!
The Lord really works in some SUPER mysterious ways, he opens your eyes to things that are at times inconceivable leaving you to revel in the altruistic power of his love.
Anyhow my 5 and I were talking and was telling me about a sermon given by the pastor of her church discussing how to pray. As kids many of us are taught to pray, but few of really know how to pray, me included so what my LS was telling me made a lot of sense.
She said that her pastor told them that there was a prayer formula that hit 6 points:
1. Praise & Worship - Acknowledgment
2. Pray IN God's Will
3. Pray for Need
4. Pray for Forgiveness
5. Pray for Protection
6. Praise & Worship - Acknowledgment
She said that the Lord's Prayer was a perfect example or if you will prayer template.
- Our Father, who art in heaven,
- Hallowed be thy Name.
- These first two lines are an example of acknowledging the most high
- Thy kingdom come.
- Thy will be done,
- On earth as it is in heaven.
- Give us this day our daily bread.
- And forgive us our debts
- As we forgive our debtors
- And lead us not into temptation,
- But deliver us from evil.
- For thine is the kingdom,
- and the power, and the glory,
- for ever and ever.
Sometimes we pray and we pray and we feel as though the things that we have have prayed for have not been fulfilled and have not been fulfilled in OUR time. I think it is important to remember that immediate gratification of anything is never lasts. It comes and it goes and we are still left were we began empty. So pray faithfully, diligently, and gracefully. Pray for yourself, your family, your friends and your enemies. Pray for patience, understanding, and fulfillment. For what God has for you is for you and you alone, no one can steal that blessing.
Prayerfully yours.....
AMEN!
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Drop the ZERO and Throw up the DEUCE
Every morning I get my horoscope via text. Now I don't believe in them but I do find it interesting to read what it is that someone has predicted for my life. So today my horoscope text read as such:
"What do they see in you? Isn't it obvious? You're not a zero. Remember what you like about yourself. Find someone to worship at your feet."
I'll have to admit it made me feel good and made me feel like yelling "You're d**n right I'm not a ZERO!!!"
For one reason or another I am having the best day and I thank God for that. Nothing in particular happened that made today just extra special, but I am at peace and that has to be the best feeling in the world.
Yup Step your PEACE game up.
"What do they see in you? Isn't it obvious? You're not a zero. Remember what you like about yourself. Find someone to worship at your feet."
I'll have to admit it made me feel good and made me feel like yelling "You're d**n right I'm not a ZERO!!!"
For one reason or another I am having the best day and I thank God for that. Nothing in particular happened that made today just extra special, but I am at peace and that has to be the best feeling in the world.
Yup Step your PEACE game up.
Isaiah 55:12
You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.
I think that I just got my standing ovation
and I just took my bow
I threw up my deuce and then
Raised my fist and played to the crowd
No man will steal the joy I now feel
and that is more than a vow
its a promise, one from the most high
my soul is on fire
And Jesus is my flame
lighting my Lord's torch
I set evil to flames
as the ashes settle
and the dust falls
I'm still standing
and the Lord my God
still sits on the thrown
its not a throne of brick or wood, or metal not even stone
its a throne thriving in the Holy Spirit and on a Holy Spirit level
Lift me up
and I praise your name
Earth is my playground
but Heaven is my aim
I'm in love, I'm in love
and it feels so good
better than anything in the physical ever would
So I have officially dropped the zero
and gone with a hero
And I am free indeed
free in him
bestowing upon me a peace that knows no bounds
Inner peace, with an outward joy
a constant edification of all that is right in the world
my soul is on fire
my spirit is at rest
and its all because of and undying, unwavering and unfaltering love
Peace that surpasses all understanding
and I just took my bow
I threw up my deuce and then
Raised my fist and played to the crowd
No man will steal the joy I now feel
and that is more than a vow
its a promise, one from the most high
my soul is on fire
And Jesus is my flame
lighting my Lord's torch
I set evil to flames
as the ashes settle
and the dust falls
I'm still standing
and the Lord my God
still sits on the thrown
its not a throne of brick or wood, or metal not even stone
its a throne thriving in the Holy Spirit and on a Holy Spirit level
Lift me up
and I praise your name
Earth is my playground
but Heaven is my aim
I'm in love, I'm in love
and it feels so good
better than anything in the physical ever would
So I have officially dropped the zero
and gone with a hero
And I am free indeed
free in him
bestowing upon me a peace that knows no bounds
Inner peace, with an outward joy
a constant edification of all that is right in the world
my soul is on fire
my spirit is at rest
and its all because of and undying, unwavering and unfaltering love
Peace that surpasses all understanding
Monday, February 4, 2008
A GIANT Upset of Epic Proportions
Ok so football is something that is definitely new in my world. But I must admit I love sports and Football is winning its way into my heart. So watching Super Bowl XLII ( for those not familiar with roman numerals- Super Bowl 42) I had so many EUREKA moments that I was starting to get dizzy. Coming into the game the favored 18-0 New England Patriots were the talk of the town, the New York Giants, who had survived the regular season and playoffs, were not overly discussed, gave us a modern day battle of David and Goliath.
To me the game was dominated by tenacious defense. And the end score of 14-17 told that story all to well. I remember during the game wondering what was going on with the Patriots offensive line. The Giants continued to blind them with blitz after blitz, hungry to bring down the Patriots offensive golden child. Mission Accomplished. Right when it seems like the Patriots were getting closer the New York Giants, who had nothing to lose became that much more determined to draw blood.
It was the perfect example of the underdog, refusing to let the past be the predictor of the future. They wrote their own ending to what would seem to be an almost impossibly ridiculous story. But the Giants did it, and did it well.
For the Patriots its just seemed like a game of missed opportunity. It just seemed like someone wanted it more. Talk about a GIANT upset of epic proportions...lol
So here is how this is applicable to everyday life: In some way, at one point or another we are the underdog, but is what has happened before going to continue to be the predictor of what is to come? Or will we be the one to determine how our story ends or if you will begins? The Giants wrote and ending that focused on a new beginning and I am taking this lesson with me. No matter how much the other team has on you, whether if be an impressive record, more money, a better job, there is always room for the underdog to seize their moment and seize victory for the future.
Who's says you can't learn anything from football?..
Friday, January 25, 2008
The Power of Blind Faith
At work and clearly I am suppose to be working, but I had to write this. A friend of mine sent me an e-mail with a message that I often times forget. I was thankful for the reminder...So the email read as follows:
Do you know the legend of the Cherokee Indian youth's rite of Passage? His father takes him into the forest, blindfolds him and leaves him alone. He is
required to sit on a stump the whole night and not remove the blindfold until the rays of the morning sun shine through it. He cannot cry out for help to
anyone. Once he survives the night, he is a MAN.
He cannot tell the other boys of this experience, because each lad must come into manhood on his own. The boy is naturally terrified. He can hear all kinds of noises. Wild beasts must surely be all around him. Maybe even some human might do him harm. The wind blew the grass and earth, and shook his stump, but he sat stoically, never removing the blindfold. It would be the only way he could become a man!
Finally, after a horrific night the sun appeared and he removed his blindfold. It was then that he discovered his father sitting on the stump next to him. He had been at watch the entire night, protecting his son from harm. We, too, are never alone. Even when we don't know it, God is watching over us, sitting on the stump beside us. When trouble comes, all we have to do is reach out to Him. If you liked this story, pass it on. If not, you took off your blindfold before dawn.
Moral of the story: Just because you can't see God, doesn't mean He is not there. "For we walk by faith, not by sight."
Its like a child. A child doesn't know any better so they are forced to rely on their parent to guide them.
Its like air, we can't see it and at times we can't touch it but we know its there.
You know sight is deceptive. You can't see beyond the surface and as people always say things that look good aren't alway good for you. (kind of like that piece of cake I had for lunch...lol). We live in a world of cynics, and its hard to have faith in things that we can't see, touch or feel.
Do you think that if we had more faith in not only ourselves but others that the world would be a better place? Maybe this is wishful thinking on my part. I know you are going to tell me that all people have a hidden agenda, so its virtually impossible.
Man this faith thing is a trip. All I know is that when times get hard its all I have to rely on. Its a scary thing, relying on something that you might not be sure of. But when the one thing that you have been hoping and praying for comes to pass you cannot deny the power of such blind faith. God is a good God. He knows the desired of my heart and he know the needs of my soul, and I know that what he has in store for me is for me.
God, I can't see you, I can't touch you, but I know you are always there. And I have to apologize because sometimes I forget. Why? Because I get so caught up in what I am doing, and in what I want that I push you to the side, when you make me your constant priority. But this time you're my priority and relying and trusting in you is my goal, its a tug of war at times because I don't want to let go. But I am loosing my grasp, and this is my trust fall trusting that I will fall in the arm of the one who cares for me most....
-Signed
Walking by faith and not by sight...
Monday, January 21, 2008
It's Official I have gone soft..
Mood: Wanting....
Believe it or not I have a soft side. Yea I know....Go Figure!!!
A friend of mine is getting married. I can honestly say that I was worried for him for a bit, but God's Favor is AMAZING, he found someone that not only complimented him, but made him into a man. He has grown so much since he has met her and she has the most amazing spirit. I am really REALLY genuinely happy for them.
While looking at their wedding website, I have to admit I got a little misty eyed. Ok really misty eyed. I know I always act like I am disgusted by love, but man....when you see TRUE love, you can't help but want that same feeling for yourself. Its such an amazing emotion, it makes even the darkest of hearts see light.
India said she was ready for Love
and so am I
I have refused the idea of love for so long
now my wall is being chipped away
brick by brick
stone by stone
But I am scared
scare of what that emotion holds
if I let go
let go of the grasp that I have on my own heart
opening my hands to expose the softest part of me
bearing my soul
will it weather the storms that come
when my hands are full
will there be someone there to hold my umbrella
shielding me from harm
fearing the one emotion that might liberate me
i now know why MY caged bird sings
locked away from the emotion of love
it wants to be free to feel
to be to him
what he might be to me
and together
we
walk hand in hand
I am his support and he is mine
Love
Love is a beautiful thing...
I think that I might actually be ready....
Believe it or not I have a soft side. Yea I know....Go Figure!!!
A friend of mine is getting married. I can honestly say that I was worried for him for a bit, but God's Favor is AMAZING, he found someone that not only complimented him, but made him into a man. He has grown so much since he has met her and she has the most amazing spirit. I am really REALLY genuinely happy for them.
While looking at their wedding website, I have to admit I got a little misty eyed. Ok really misty eyed. I know I always act like I am disgusted by love, but man....when you see TRUE love, you can't help but want that same feeling for yourself. Its such an amazing emotion, it makes even the darkest of hearts see light.
India said she was ready for Love
and so am I
I have refused the idea of love for so long
now my wall is being chipped away
brick by brick
stone by stone
But I am scared
scare of what that emotion holds
if I let go
let go of the grasp that I have on my own heart
opening my hands to expose the softest part of me
bearing my soul
will it weather the storms that come
when my hands are full
will there be someone there to hold my umbrella
shielding me from harm
fearing the one emotion that might liberate me
i now know why MY caged bird sings
locked away from the emotion of love
it wants to be free to feel
to be to him
what he might be to me
and together
we
walk hand in hand
I am his support and he is mine
Love
Love is a beautiful thing...
I think that I might actually be ready....
Friday, January 11, 2008
Please Ask Me Why I Decided to Coach yet AGAIN?
So tomorrow is our first official CLUB tournament. Pray on that. I am nervous, for myself as well as the girls I just want them to do well. All I need is for them to be receptive to what it is that I am trying to teach them, more importantly my coaching style...I am a little more militant than people think...lol
Sunday, January 6, 2008
It's OVER!!
You have no idea, how very excited I am that New Year's has come and gone. It was such a stressful evening. With people canceling, me feeling like things weren't done and worried about if others were going to have a good time I couldn't have a good time myself.
So where do I begin with the New Year's Eve from hell? Well I suppose it really starts prior to the actual event. People with their indecisiveness DAYUM IT!! It was just so frustrating, all of the planning, time, energy and MONEY, that was put into the event and the simplest thing that you ask people to do they can't even do that..it is beyond annoying. I am retiring from the event planning business it is too stressful.
So these are the top 10 things that pissed me off about New Year's Eve:
10. Muddaeffas insist on not following directions i.e. mailing/emailing rsvp ON TIME
09. Incompetent business people. If pay you for a service and ask you to be there at a certain time, why the F are you NOT on time?
08. When you are late, what give you the uninhibited gall to argue with me about your payment.
07. People complaining about things that are beyond my control and then ask for discounts. How about this for a discount - F U?!
06. I couldn't adequately document the evening because of all of the stress.
05. Last minute cancellations. Do you not realize that this cost money, there for if you RSVP and DO NOT SHOW, I have to cover your cost as well?
04. Black people
03. I still had no sig-oth (significant other) for New Year's for the 26th year in a row...lol
02. I broke my muddaeffin beverage fountain *insert expletives*
01. After all of the stress, money spent, EVERYONE had a good time but ME, and I caught the flu...
But I suppose in the end they had a good time an that is all that matters. I mean we did ride a pretty fly party bus, and we did get some like SUPER VIP service, thanks to some of my boys. So all was not a complete loss. I think I will take a super hiatus after these series of events. We'll see how that works out.
As I said after all was said and done, I was kissed by the flu HAPPY NEW YEAR to me. *insert sadface here*. So I had to take 3 count 'em 3 days off of work (for those that know me this is CRUCIAL.) I literally took one for the team. And let me tell you the flu is NO joke, I was feeling pure exhaustion.
Now its back to business as usual. Everyone is back to their regular grind. I guess until summer hits.....It's bitter sweet, its always good to spend time with friends.
Now its time for the next step, so stay tuned, its going to be a one for the record books!!
So where do I begin with the New Year's Eve from hell? Well I suppose it really starts prior to the actual event. People with their indecisiveness DAYUM IT!! It was just so frustrating, all of the planning, time, energy and MONEY, that was put into the event and the simplest thing that you ask people to do they can't even do that..it is beyond annoying. I am retiring from the event planning business it is too stressful.
So these are the top 10 things that pissed me off about New Year's Eve:
10. Muddaeffas insist on not following directions i.e. mailing/emailing rsvp ON TIME
09. Incompetent business people. If pay you for a service and ask you to be there at a certain time, why the F are you NOT on time?
08. When you are late, what give you the uninhibited gall to argue with me about your payment.
07. People complaining about things that are beyond my control and then ask for discounts. How about this for a discount - F U?!
06. I couldn't adequately document the evening because of all of the stress.
05. Last minute cancellations. Do you not realize that this cost money, there for if you RSVP and DO NOT SHOW, I have to cover your cost as well?
04. Black people
03. I still had no sig-oth (significant other) for New Year's for the 26th year in a row...lol
02. I broke my muddaeffin beverage fountain *insert expletives*
01. After all of the stress, money spent, EVERYONE had a good time but ME, and I caught the flu...
But I suppose in the end they had a good time an that is all that matters. I mean we did ride a pretty fly party bus, and we did get some like SUPER VIP service, thanks to some of my boys. So all was not a complete loss. I think I will take a super hiatus after these series of events. We'll see how that works out.
As I said after all was said and done, I was kissed by the flu HAPPY NEW YEAR to me. *insert sadface here*. So I had to take 3 count 'em 3 days off of work (for those that know me this is CRUCIAL.) I literally took one for the team. And let me tell you the flu is NO joke, I was feeling pure exhaustion.
Now its back to business as usual. Everyone is back to their regular grind. I guess until summer hits.....It's bitter sweet, its always good to spend time with friends.
Now its time for the next step, so stay tuned, its going to be a one for the record books!!
Happy New Year!!!
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Baby Rock is Here!!!
My friend Amber and her Husband, just had their first child, Rock Xavier Crawford. She sent me a picture and he's such a cutie. I am so excited for them!!! I know she is going to make a great mother, I guess Billy will be an ok dad as well..hahaha *wink*. No but really they are going to be wonderful parents. Welcome to the world Rock.
Luv Auntie Sandy.
Luv Auntie Sandy.
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