So I finally taken the initiative to do something that I have been complaining about forever and that is exercise. I am at an all time weight high and I would like to change that. Is is for asthetic reasons? Not completely. But it is something that has to be done, there is a certain level of satisfaction that I get from it.
I didn't start on January first, and this is not a resolution. This is just something I am doing for me and no one else. I began on the 5th of January dreading it, but I was determined.
On the 6th I was in danger of 'falling off the wagon" as people often times say, but then something told me to watch a recorded episode of Oprah, so I did. This was the episode that aired on Jan. 5 and she was starting her Best Life Week. For the first time, I related to Oprah. She was open and candid about her weight can, the way she felt, so on and so forth and I kept finding myself saying, "Yeah, I know what you mean." But there was one comment that really resonated with me. They said that weight loss was not about loosing weight, about getting into those jeans, or that dress, nor was it about necessarily being healthy, its about self love. At first I looked at the screen like what?
As the show went on I got it....I GOT IT!! It's easier to love the body I am in and then work on being healthier than it is to set a target weight loss goal, only to be disappointed when that goal was not reached. So I am working on loving me, loving me more than I have ever loved me. I am being to cherish, my alone time, some may think I am a bit of a recluse.
Needless to say after that episode I left for the gym, (my roommate saw me, which sucked cause I just want to do this alone no accolades, no good job..anyhow) I didn't like being there when I was, but I appreciated it when I awoke this morning, I feel good.
No one is going to love me the way I love me, not friends, pseudo-friends, family, or anyone else. So its just me myself and I as I seek my best life. And I am satisfied with that.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Valentine's Day 2008
Valentine's day 2008. This is a day that I have distinctly made a point of disregarding in my life time. I suppose for the longest time, I associated Valentine's Day with certain things that made me resent it, you know stuff like, relationships, love, boys and anything that might make you go AWWWW. I didn't get a card or candy from a boy I liked so to me the day was a waste.
This year I received texts, and valentines from friends, primarily female. I went to a Jazz cafe in D.C. with my friends. But it was all still bitter sweet. I reminisced on Valentine's of old, as the jazz band played in the background, sultry sounds mixed with the up tempo beat of a drum, caressed with the underlying subtlety of the plucked strings of a bass. All the band members including the singer closed their eyes as they played...I closed mine too...I never really had a valentine, but I'd always wanted one. And to be honest I can't really remember any of the previous February 14th's except for one. I suppose I was especially miserable this day. I sat in the dark, and I didn't want to be bothered. I was sad. It was another February 14th and feel like in the relationship realm I had failed. Yes you have your friends that send you cute cards, you plan to do things to get your mind off of THIS day, but we had done all, and I sat, alone.
My phone rang and I picked it up. I had something at the Student Union Building. I wasn't really interested in leaving where I was, but I did. I was curious...I had something...hmm. I scurried over to see what it was. It was a single red carnation, with a ribbon and a message attached. If was from a person that at that time I was quite found of. He had taken the time to send ME a carnation with a message
"All Men Aren't Dogs"
I smiled a little. I knew that I could be really hard on the male species, but I think I was a victim of seeing too much before I had experienced it. And from what I had seen, I definitely could do with out actually going through such things myself. I said I smiled a little. I lied, I smiled, a lot. This had, kind of in a sick and debilitating way, warmed my heart and made me smile and made me actually believe that in that one instant that he was right, all men aren't dogs.
That was a valentine's day that I would never forget, other things happened that day but I'd rather focus on the good that come of that. There are a few things in my lifetime that I regret, but being a person that loves too hard at times is not one of those things. I can't help that I fall emotionally sometimes, but I know that, the emotion that I share with a few is genuine its real and should not be taken for granted. Valentines day is a day of love, respect and adoration, its a day were you realize that even with the bad that comes in relationships and friendships that just in that instant to feel the emotion of love is a blessing. I've loved (at least I think) and I have hurt (this I know for a fact), but I won't regret.
Happy Valentine's Day!
This year I received texts, and valentines from friends, primarily female. I went to a Jazz cafe in D.C. with my friends. But it was all still bitter sweet. I reminisced on Valentine's of old, as the jazz band played in the background, sultry sounds mixed with the up tempo beat of a drum, caressed with the underlying subtlety of the plucked strings of a bass. All the band members including the singer closed their eyes as they played...I closed mine too...I never really had a valentine, but I'd always wanted one. And to be honest I can't really remember any of the previous February 14th's except for one. I suppose I was especially miserable this day. I sat in the dark, and I didn't want to be bothered. I was sad. It was another February 14th and feel like in the relationship realm I had failed. Yes you have your friends that send you cute cards, you plan to do things to get your mind off of THIS day, but we had done all, and I sat, alone.
My phone rang and I picked it up. I had something at the Student Union Building. I wasn't really interested in leaving where I was, but I did. I was curious...I had something...hmm. I scurried over to see what it was. It was a single red carnation, with a ribbon and a message attached. If was from a person that at that time I was quite found of. He had taken the time to send ME a carnation with a message
"All Men Aren't Dogs"
I smiled a little. I knew that I could be really hard on the male species, but I think I was a victim of seeing too much before I had experienced it. And from what I had seen, I definitely could do with out actually going through such things myself. I said I smiled a little. I lied, I smiled, a lot. This had, kind of in a sick and debilitating way, warmed my heart and made me smile and made me actually believe that in that one instant that he was right, all men aren't dogs.
That was a valentine's day that I would never forget, other things happened that day but I'd rather focus on the good that come of that. There are a few things in my lifetime that I regret, but being a person that loves too hard at times is not one of those things. I can't help that I fall emotionally sometimes, but I know that, the emotion that I share with a few is genuine its real and should not be taken for granted. Valentines day is a day of love, respect and adoration, its a day were you realize that even with the bad that comes in relationships and friendships that just in that instant to feel the emotion of love is a blessing. I've loved (at least I think) and I have hurt (this I know for a fact), but I won't regret.
Happy Valentine's Day!
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