Feelings, Insults and more Insults....

Just as a random sidebar I am in love with my degree program. Ok enough of that.

So my heart has been a little weighted. Not that I feel horribly sad or anything, just a little on the lonely side. I know I have said it before but its been sitting on the frontal lobe ever since the wedding. You know even the person that you would least expect to be bothered by lack of companionship is affected when there is that void. Alas that is where I am. I think that this lack of companionship is making me feel "some type of way" toward certain people. I don't know if it is some form of a defense mechanism (which I am sure it is, but that's irrelevant).

Someone said something to me this evening that left me enraged. It involved me and me possible being jealous and catty. Now I can add this the repitoure of things I do not consider myself to be but apparently my view of myself is skewed according to these folks. Enter the insult vault if you will:

2006 - Big Boned Mean Ugly
2008 - Jealous and Catty

And here I am thinking that I am making progress. All I have to say is that these things are insulting and really make me wonder, what people truly think of me. I know it is important not to be worried what others think, but I do think that perception is important. If these are the vibes that I am giving off to be read by others, I need to go buy some new pheromones, so that I can disassociate myself with the above presented stigmas. At the end of the day I hate to say it but the individuals that used these terms are self consumed bastards, and should really get a grip on themselves. I am so over the drama.

-Signed Big Boned Mean Ugly Jealous Catty Chick.

Debunking my inner HOMEGIRL

I know some of you are going to look at this post like what in the world is that suppose to mean. Some people might even initially take it as a 'possible' insult, but hold on a moment, i will clarify shortly.

So I am taking this opportunity to step outside of my box. I have been accused of being "The Homegirl". I must admit I am not your typical female, I think a little differently, I act a little differently, at times I dress a little differently. When I am out and DJ Screw's "3 in the Mornin'" comes on I'll admit I go into a trance and recite all of the lyrics, bobbing to the beat throwing my hands in the air like I just don't care, I can't help it, that's just me. But does that make me any less feminine? Does it make me any less sophisticated? I'm not sure....but apparently it does make me more of a HOMEGIRL.

As we all know the idea of relationship or anything associated with a relationship is difficult and complicatedly convoluted. There is no such thing as the perfect man or woman. Our ideal is always flawed seeking a level of perfection that can never be obtained.

My friends primarily Chrystal would describe me as insatiable, nothing is ever good enough or it could always be better. Often times I can be found at dinner complaining that I am always a friend to most of my male acquaintances and nothing more. Chrystal made an attempt to target why, especially since in 2008 I am making a few changes in this game of life. She agreed, the pit fall of the friendship zone is just that, you get stuck in the friendship zone. She urged me to change my approach to the opposite sex. I'll give it an honest go, but I make no promises.

We'll see how this works out...Stay tuned.

New Beginnings

Its the Genesis!

This weekend a good friend of mine got married and it was fantastic. Just to overwhelmingly feeling of joy and love that filled the room. It made me want to get married. LOL one thing at a time I suppose.

Well today is the first day of my Graduate academic career. I haven't been in school in awhile so I am a little on the nervous side. I just pray that everything goes will and I know it will otherwise the lord would not have ordered my steps in the way that he has. So pray for me during these next few years. God is working a mighty work and I can't not wait to see the outcome. I'm off to class.

Begin week 1

-Signed old school in a new school trying to get schooled...lol

DFW - The Exhausted Edition

Ok so I am tired. No I mean really tired. I don't that in the last week that I have had a full nights rest. I suppose that is my own fault. Currently I am waiting to board my flight to New Orleans, for the marriage/mini reunion of the crew...did I mention that I a little on the tired side? I have just been going non-stop but I suppose that is a something that is to be expected with me. I like to go, it does not matter where or when, I just like to go, and when I am idle, by myself I that just gives me to much time to reflect on past occurrences. Often times these reflections lead me to one of my patented "moments", which are usually not good things. I might need to work on this. But I think idle time is boring. Or rather I am afraid of what might surface if left to reflect for too long. Anyhow I am rambling...I think its time for me to go. Until next time....

Idly I wait wondering
but I busy myself so that my wonder
saunters and moves me to a fast pace
paced so I can't face the things that I fear
but alas my saunter ceases and I am back to wondering
facing fear in the face
wondering what is to become of me
pacing so the negative doesn't catch up
running after the positive
I reach out and it ducks
but sometimes I catch it
and for a moment I am ok
then it escapes my grasp
and I am left to wonder
then saunter
then face fear again.

Apparently 8 is a number for change..I MOVED

So its the 8 month in the year 2008 and things are changing. I am leaving houston, starting school, and starting to see life from a different perspective.

This past weekend I moved to Fort Worth. I love my apartment, now I have to work on the educational and social aspects of life, but I am sure those things come with time.

My first outing was a little different than I imagined it. I should have been a time for reunions, laughs and good times, but I really just found myself quite agitated for whatever reason. For the sake of conversation I will charge it to the fact that I had just arrived and moved in most of my things and I was tired.

Fort Worth is a little slow, and a little removed from the social hub of the DFW metroplex. It has its highs and lows, but over all I think it will be an enjoyable experience. I am excited about starting school. For the first time in a long time I feel as though I have purpose and direction. I really do see great things for the future and I am truly thankful that God lit my path so that I could find my way.

I already feel a little lonely. I didn't think it would happen but I kind of miss Houston. I just think that the fact that people that I have been around for the past few years are not in close proximity makes me nervous, what will I do for fun?..lol

I'll be going to New Orleans for the first time, this weekend and I am excited....I get to reunite with my guys friends, who are AWESOME!! I think we are going to have a good time.

The saga continues...

It's been a Long time, but now I am back with the jump off..

Ok I know the title is a little on the lame side, but it was funny to me so I suppose that is all that matters.

So what has been up with me since I have been gone, lets see..

1. I am still single, but surprisingly happy and worry free (who would have thunk it...lol)

2. I still work at my job that I don't particularly like until the 15th then I am peacing out!!

3. During the month of July I had the pleasure of working with the National Youth Leadership Forum on Medicine and it was markedly one of the most eye opening experiences, and I LOVED IT!!

4. On August 16th I will officially be Leaving the Houston area and become a resident of the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex (YIKES....oh yea and GOOOOOOOOOOOO ROCKETS!!) ha ha ha

5. It is August 8th and I have still not packed for my move, I feel like I have a billion people see and no time to see them and that kind of makes me sad...

6. My boy KC is getting married in the NO and I am so excited because it is going to be a mini-reunion

7. My BFF finally realized what I have been thinking all along, and I almost feel bad

8. Last but not least...I am extremely bored at work right now.....oh well...back at it until next time.