Wishing on a star..

So this evening I went outside and I was star gazing. It is really amazing how something so far away can shine so bright. Even more interesting is the fact what we see from a distance is deceptive and is something we may never have imagined.

It was refreshing. Flickering bits of light, awesome wonder, and shooting stars. As I gazed upon the sky it was a welcomed retreat from my earthly reality. Pictures flashed of the past, the present and the future. Each deep breath was met with lonely silence which is where I find myself more often than not these days.

Tonight was a night of firsts, it was the first time that I witnessed an actual meteor shower, and it was the first time that I think that I really took the time to look up, not because I needed or wanted something, but just because. There is power in our "just because".

My brother and sister joined me after a while and we watched and joked together. These are the times that I cherish most.

When being bold goes wrong....

So last week I was feeling bold, so I took it upon myself to speak to a guy that I had seen on occasion at my schools library, and introduce myself. People don't believe that I am shy, but I am. So for me to actually step outside of myself to introduce myself, that was a MAJOR step.

So I saw him, and just to preface the encounter, he always looks at me (this could my acute paranoia) when I am in the library, so on this particular day I was feeling particularly bold so I spoke.

Me: "excuse me can I ask you a question?"
Random guy: Startled answers "Yes"
Me: "Well I see you in the library often so I thought I would introduce myself, I promise I am not crazy or anything"
Random guy: still startled and look at me as if I am a stalker, "Uhhh ok"
Me: "What's your name?"
Guy: "states name" and then stands there still looking befuddled and bewildered, then after a second of awkward silence he asks "oh what's your name?"
Me: I state my name, "nice to meet you"
Random guy: still looking crazy kind of backs away like I am going to stab him

Ok I may have exaggerated the encounter a bit, but I kid you not this guy looked scared, which kind of made me feel like and idiot, but I think he is generally social awkward anyway.

So fast forward to the next day since I live in the library, he is walking through the door and I am walking out and he doesn't even out of courtesy say hello.

This is my thing, if people pass by each other I mean the least you could do is to say hello.

Needless to say since then I have been very put off by his person, and have not spoken to the guy, although I see him often, clearly he felt awkward and probably took it for something it was not...so much for being social and stepping outside my box.

Man this makes me want to crawl back into my shell...I hate this feeling..ugh.

My Best Life

So I finally taken the initiative to do something that I have been complaining about forever and that is exercise. I am at an all time weight high and I would like to change that. Is is for asthetic reasons? Not completely. But it is something that has to be done, there is a certain level of satisfaction that I get from it.

I didn't start on January first, and this is not a resolution. This is just something I am doing for me and no one else. I began on the 5th of January dreading it, but I was determined.

On the 6th I was in danger of 'falling off the wagon" as people often times say, but then something told me to watch a recorded episode of Oprah, so I did. This was the episode that aired on Jan. 5 and she was starting her Best Life Week. For the first time, I related to Oprah. She was open and candid about her weight can, the way she felt, so on and so forth and I kept finding myself saying, "Yeah, I know what you mean." But there was one comment that really resonated with me. They said that weight loss was not about loosing weight, about getting into those jeans, or that dress, nor was it about necessarily being healthy, its about self love. At first I looked at the screen like what?

As the show went on I got it....I GOT IT!! It's easier to love the body I am in and then work on being healthier than it is to set a target weight loss goal, only to be disappointed when that goal was not reached. So I am working on loving me, loving me more than I have ever loved me. I am being to cherish, my alone time, some may think I am a bit of a recluse.

Needless to say after that episode I left for the gym, (my roommate saw me, which sucked cause I just want to do this alone no accolades, no good job..anyhow) I didn't like being there when I was, but I appreciated it when I awoke this morning, I feel good.

No one is going to love me the way I love me, not friends, pseudo-friends, family, or anyone else. So its just me myself and I as I seek my best life. And I am satisfied with that.

Unsettling Cognition

I am having a very strange case of deja vu. I have had this random dream (or least I feel like I have had this dream (at least twice) where I am being attacked by a million pin holding masked individuals (think of the Jabberwockies [it should not be funny, but it is the best description of what was in my dream]. The strange thing is that they are attacking me when the lights are on and when one or two people come in contact with me. But when the lights are off, I don't feel them. Before attacking you will see long pins coming through the roof trying to impale me. And right before they attack the make they take the minds of the people around me and make them do things that are uncharacteristic. Its the strangest thing and I have no idea what it is suppose to mean.

I know as of late things have been brought to my attention, I suppose it is certain people's way of telling me about myself.

Maybe the pins represent people that I felt have stabbed me in the back, side, and or front. May the masked individuals that hold the pins, represent my insecurities, brought to the light but still hidden. The whole senario could mean that my seemingly negative energy (that has been so candidly brought to my attention) attacks me in the light where I and others can see me for who I am. I don't know what it means, but it is disturbing.

I suppose I am over analyzing, but when you awake at 6 am and you don't have too because you have had a "dream", its worth taking a look at.

Often times they say that dreams stem from things that are continually thought about and are not resolved before sleep. And I can say that I have had some unsettling thoughts about people that I consider to be friends. I have been told that I don't have the right to be, let's say, 'displeased' with comments made, 1. because I have to think of the source (who is a friend) and 2. because I am suppose to think of why she might have said what she said. Either way it goes, as my friend, she should know better, and more over it seems a bit self righteous of her to think that way, because it implies jealousy, and I ladies and gents am not a jealous person. I was insulted that she so insipidly thought that I would in some way start a pity party for myself, which is funny.

I guess again and again people show me what they really think about me, which is inconsequential. I have got to remain focused on my ultimate goal and stop worrying about people that don't matter.

Bottom line: I am not perfect, I am human, I have feelings, and I have the right to express them, do I have to right to dump them on others? absolutely not. But you (and that goes for everyone friend or foe), do not have the right to pity me, because I do not pity myself.

Please do me a favor and get over yourself.

Thanks
Management.

Bitter Dose of Reality

My friend Chrystal called me this evening, sounding slightly reserved. Her tone worried me slightly. She said that she had been thinking about me. Now if you know my friend, you know that she doesn't just THINK she analyzes, lol, and I love her for it. She always has my best interests at heart.

She says she had discussed my current "male" sabbatical with one of her co-workers. She wondered why certain men "chose" certain women. Is is because they are more superficial? So caught up in themselves that they forget that there is more to a person than meets the eye? I can't be sure of why this is, but I can say that I am very cognizant of this porous and shallow way of thinking. But then again, maybe I too am superficial. Something to think about.

Men and women often times complain that there are no good men or women left. Maybe they are all right, may there are no good men or women left, because we are all fed up. Just a thought.

But that being said I retreat not necessarily with a flag of defeat but a flag of peace, I don't want to feel like I have to fight certain widely accepted stereotypes. So from now on I am not going too. Hence my sabbatical.

It's true and has been made abundantly clear that nice men and women do finish last...now that's a bitter dose of reality.

Disgruntled Single Female

I know I know, here I go again with the single, want to date, but can't find a good man nonsense. Just bear with me as I vent.

So the other day my best friend and I had a relatively interesting conversation, that ultimately ended in us agreeing to disagree and me being even more upset with the male species. In this conversation I was informed more or less that men are innate sluts, and that women need to understand that.

I get the whole idea that men and women are designed differently. Things that are important to women are not necessarily important to men. Apparently men have the desire to touch, feel, and screw anything with a warm orifice. Women are more inclined to look for something on a more emotional level. Blah blah blah. Trust me I get it.

But here is what I don't get. When men finally get what it is that they "think" that they want, they're not satisfied. She can't cook, she doesn't clean, she isn't intelligent, and she is less than refined and I am sure that this list could go on.

My question is this, what in the hell did you expect? Fellas this is where you go wrong. You are the most superficial beings on the planet. You are looking for the aesthetic and you are not even sure if you are allergic to the shrubbery. She has a pretty face, a nice figure, but no substance. When are you going to learn that really and truly looks aren't everything?

I guess I am just frustrated because I feel like often times, ok all the time, I get over looked. No I am not thin by any means, but I do look nice when I go out, I have a fantastic personality, I like to consider myself intelligent, I cook, I clean, I love sports, and the list goes on. I am just tired of people complaining that there are no good women. I am tired of men complaining about the crazy women that they attract. I am really just tired of it all.

"Well where do you go to meet people?" someone asked. I had to explain the places I go I think I am in the midst of like minded people, but still get the same result.

So all that being said I have official given up on men. I am not bitter by any means, I just plain give up. If I could erase them (men) from my very existence I would. Does that mean I like women now? Hell No. I still love men, I am just tired of dealing with them, so from now on I won't.

-Signed Disgruntled Single Female

So We Had a House Warming

I think I often times find it therapeutic to write, otherwise I think I would be a bitter and unhappy person. So where do I begin with this weeks' series of debacles?

We decided to have a house warming/ gathering. It was cool. As usual I stressed myself out, but I had a good time and I think that other people had a good time as well. Toward the end of the evening as things a winding down, there is still so much going on. My best friend is drunk off his a** and I am extremely embarrassed, pissed off and enraged, but we'll come back to this story.

There was something that deflated my spirit and actually hurt my feelings quite a bit. As we all sit engaging in conversation, I hear a ringtone with the "Sweet Mother" tune (if you are Nigerian you know exactly what song I am referring too). So when I hear this song, and express that the song is my "jam", the owner of the ringtone asks me how I knew what the song was. Here begins the my downward spiral. I proceed to inform him of my Nigerian heritage, which is soon followed by a look of shock and disbelief from the guy. This has been happening consistently for the past month and some change. Every time I mention anything that has to do with the only culture that I have ever identified with, I am met with looks of shock and disbelief.

I know you are asking why this is a big deal. Its a big deal because my Nigerian culture is who I am, it is the very fabric of my being, and it is the only thing I know. Now for the one thing that you hold dear to come into question from on a constant basis, its like telling a man he's not a man. It strips me and leaves me with nothing. I am just expressing my annoyance with the whole situation, then with my roommate constantly reiterating the fact that I sound or look a certain way has also be come the bane of my existence.

Outside of the my drunk best friend and my lack of Nigerian-ness according to some, the gathering was a success, I think people over all had a good time and that is all that matters right?

Era of Obama

I have been off the blogging scene for quite awhile, but I just had to comment.

People said that it could not be done, and still others said it would never be done. But Barack Obama and the American people proved all the cynics wrong. I am 27 and never in my 27 years of living have I ever been so moved by a single event.

People truly are upset, and I am not sure why. This election has brought out the worst and the best in people. Who is to blame for such dissension? Is it history, is it the government? Yes their candidate of choice was not chosen, but what truly is the root of your dissatisfaction? I am not sure they are aware of the magnitude of this election and the elected. I can honestly say that it is not about race, gender or the likes of such. Do I completely agree with all of President-Elect Obama's platforms? Of course not, that would not be realistic. But do I think that he has the charisma, and tenacity to heal a broken nation? You bet. This election is about a people ready for something different stepping away from the status-quo and stepping into true change. I am fully cognizant of the fact that this change is not going to happen over night, and in that same respect I am aware that everything that he wants to happen may never come to pass. I will be satisfied if he does half of what he said he would and makes an attempt at the rest. He can not do it alone, but WE CAN do it together.

He said it himself, this election is not about President-Elect Obama, its about us the people. Its about seeing something in others and not just yourself. Its about instilling that hope in future generations, its about fostering greatness, more importantly is it about healing a nation. I have been may things to many people and people have been many things to me, but this election really changes my view of humankind.

We can not ever underestimate the power of hope, the tenacity of unity, and the spirit of true change. The time is now, its not looking back at what was and remaining stagnant in the wounds of the past. Its about healing and cleansing. Looking to the future and remaining steadfast in the pursuance of our nations goals. You may not be my sista, but you are my SISTER, you may not be my brotha, but you are my BROTHER. Now is not that time for selfishness, it is the time for the true communion of faith and belief, of culture and ideals. I am ready for the challenge that this presents. Mediocrity is no longer the fate of our youth, because there is yet another example of success.

We will no longer be a victim of our circumstance, because we are the circumstance that we create. Its time to leave a legacy, and not a memory. Let's re-write history.

-Signed
Leaving a legacy for my children and my children's children for generations to come

Feelings, Insults and more Insults....

Just as a random sidebar I am in love with my degree program. Ok enough of that.

So my heart has been a little weighted. Not that I feel horribly sad or anything, just a little on the lonely side. I know I have said it before but its been sitting on the frontal lobe ever since the wedding. You know even the person that you would least expect to be bothered by lack of companionship is affected when there is that void. Alas that is where I am. I think that this lack of companionship is making me feel "some type of way" toward certain people. I don't know if it is some form of a defense mechanism (which I am sure it is, but that's irrelevant).

Someone said something to me this evening that left me enraged. It involved me and me possible being jealous and catty. Now I can add this the repitoure of things I do not consider myself to be but apparently my view of myself is skewed according to these folks. Enter the insult vault if you will:

2006 - Big Boned Mean Ugly
2008 - Jealous and Catty

And here I am thinking that I am making progress. All I have to say is that these things are insulting and really make me wonder, what people truly think of me. I know it is important not to be worried what others think, but I do think that perception is important. If these are the vibes that I am giving off to be read by others, I need to go buy some new pheromones, so that I can disassociate myself with the above presented stigmas. At the end of the day I hate to say it but the individuals that used these terms are self consumed bastards, and should really get a grip on themselves. I am so over the drama.

-Signed Big Boned Mean Ugly Jealous Catty Chick.

Debunking my inner HOMEGIRL

I know some of you are going to look at this post like what in the world is that suppose to mean. Some people might even initially take it as a 'possible' insult, but hold on a moment, i will clarify shortly.

So I am taking this opportunity to step outside of my box. I have been accused of being "The Homegirl". I must admit I am not your typical female, I think a little differently, I act a little differently, at times I dress a little differently. When I am out and DJ Screw's "3 in the Mornin'" comes on I'll admit I go into a trance and recite all of the lyrics, bobbing to the beat throwing my hands in the air like I just don't care, I can't help it, that's just me. But does that make me any less feminine? Does it make me any less sophisticated? I'm not sure....but apparently it does make me more of a HOMEGIRL.

As we all know the idea of relationship or anything associated with a relationship is difficult and complicatedly convoluted. There is no such thing as the perfect man or woman. Our ideal is always flawed seeking a level of perfection that can never be obtained.

My friends primarily Chrystal would describe me as insatiable, nothing is ever good enough or it could always be better. Often times I can be found at dinner complaining that I am always a friend to most of my male acquaintances and nothing more. Chrystal made an attempt to target why, especially since in 2008 I am making a few changes in this game of life. She agreed, the pit fall of the friendship zone is just that, you get stuck in the friendship zone. She urged me to change my approach to the opposite sex. I'll give it an honest go, but I make no promises.

We'll see how this works out...Stay tuned.

Apparently 8 is a number for change..I MOVED

So its the 8 month in the year 2008 and things are changing. I am leaving houston, starting school, and starting to see life from a different perspective.

This past weekend I moved to Fort Worth. I love my apartment, now I have to work on the educational and social aspects of life, but I am sure those things come with time.

My first outing was a little different than I imagined it. I should have been a time for reunions, laughs and good times, but I really just found myself quite agitated for whatever reason. For the sake of conversation I will charge it to the fact that I had just arrived and moved in most of my things and I was tired.

Fort Worth is a little slow, and a little removed from the social hub of the DFW metroplex. It has its highs and lows, but over all I think it will be an enjoyable experience. I am excited about starting school. For the first time in a long time I feel as though I have purpose and direction. I really do see great things for the future and I am truly thankful that God lit my path so that I could find my way.

I already feel a little lonely. I didn't think it would happen but I kind of miss Houston. I just think that the fact that people that I have been around for the past few years are not in close proximity makes me nervous, what will I do for fun?..lol

I'll be going to New Orleans for the first time, this weekend and I am excited....I get to reunite with my guys friends, who are AWESOME!! I think we are going to have a good time.

The saga continues...

Our 5th Deltaversary

Though it may seem trivial to some, unfathomable to others, on this day in the year 2003 my prophytes gave birth to a wonderful line of women, for whom I will be eternally grateful. April 22, 2003 was the day that I was officially a member of the greatest organization ever Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Incorporated!
It is amazing how time has come and gone. How we have all changed and grown. I love my linesisters with all my heart 15-to-Life. I suppose only a fellow greek could truly understand the bound that we share.

When I think of what the women of Delta went through before me, I am filled with pride. An organization rich in history, and even richer in victory, it makes me that much more determined to make a positive mark on the world. Its with great fortitude that I look forward to the future.

Happy line birthday LSes, your tail loves you mucho!!! Elephant Hugs and Kisses!!

Wearing crimson, standing tall
Fortitude our symbol of strength and perseverance above all
She reaches back for those left behind
While reaching forward toward the future ahead
As we look toward the light to guide our path
The delta women before set a standard, and set the bar high
22 strong they all stood
From Osceola to Edith a true sisterhood
Making a change for the greater good
Determined
Dedicated
As a delta woman should
Never shying away from a cause that others would
I'm proud
Proud to be
A member of the elite
The elite that wears Crimson and Cream
No one will ever tell me different
Through the tides of time
Delta women are women of class, distinction, character and so much more
Chanting a chant that continuously rang
1913 was a year of change
from thence forward the world would never be the same
So forward the women of Delta march
not for fame fortune, or trivial cost
But for the betterment of a people, education held high
I'll represent Delta Sigma Theta ‘til the day I die!

By: Naija Couture

?? My QUESTION MARKed Existence ??

It’s a curved line that ends at a secluded island

It emphatically represents what I now feel

The unknown splashed with a dose of reality

It's Like I am alone

And I have said it before

Its my question mark

The path is followed

And met with a dead end

I reach out to hold my prize on my secluded island

But alas I fail

And I fall

Into the land of the in between

And the not quite

Always reaching

Reaching with all my might

But never getting what I think I deserve

I am left question filled

And slightly perturbed

Was life meant to be this hard

I look up and get angry

“What more do you have for me today” I ask

I rant I rave I slash and burn

The destructive nature of what I feel materialized in the physical

And I am left with disillusion and disarray

Hoping to put back together the pieces

Cause humpty fell off the wall that day

And like him my spirit is in pieces

My glues not strong enough

And when I think it is

Is washable, dilute in strength and perseverance

I don’t know if I can go through something, anything again

I’m tired

I’m worn

Feeling pressure to the point that my vision blurs

Nothing is as it seems

And my present state of being concurs

I run to relieve the stress

But I run on a treadmill and my progress is still

Cause I am running in place

I want to get away

And I want to be free

But something or someone refuses to let me be

What is holding me back

And knocking me down

What is covering me in ashes

As my storm surrounds

Me

I can’t see

I can’t feel

The only thing I feel is disappointment

The only thing I see is dark

My heart is heavy

And my spirit sparse.

Skiing is NOOOOO Joke

So I went skiing...that's right folks SKIING

my black skin, against the blinding whiteness of snow.
I tried to go but fear crippled me and I punked-out on the bunny slopes..lol

I flew to D.C. on Valentine's Day, it seems as though D.C. has become my new home away from home and my temporary escape from reality. We went to the Twinz Jazz Cafe. The music was cool..the establishment cozy, but the food though left much to be desired. Afterwards we hit up a club, it was cramped and definitely not up to any of our standards, but it was something to do and it was ....FREE..lol

The next day we would embark upon our skiing endeavor. We were traveling to Reading, Pennsylvania. This trip was going to be interesting. We were staying in the Sheraton, that looked like a re-vamped Days Inn, yea it was an absolute mess.

The bus ride was cool, being that I was out of my own domain, I spoke with the people I knew, listened to music, and slept. The bus ride lasted about 3 hours. As usual I had OVER packed. If you know me packing has never been something that I mastered. But never the less we arrived and did so safely, so I was thankful for that.

The trip was booked through a company that shall remain name-less for fear of copy right infringement, defamation of character, and just the shear shame of association...lol. The Group that we traveled with appropriately named the trip "Black Ice 2008". Upon arrival there was a sort of meet and greet with an open bar and "other" refreshments.

The 'other' refreshments included and were limited too: donuts: glazed, chocolate glazed, white glazed, and fruit filled. Tomato soup, your choice of crackers and/or bread, and a cup of ice cold water. Hmm yum....

We walked in and to our surprise we were greeted with the stench of stale carpeting & bengay, and what appeared to be a family reunion. Obliviously the people that we booked the trip through neglected to say that age range of its guest would be so wide. Ages 4 - 100...this was going to be very interesting. On the agenda for the evening, were the meet and greet, an adults only entertainment option and a Pajama After Party.

Before we 'partied' we picked up our registration materials at the front

Where do I begin? The meet and greet = WACK. The Adult only entertainment option = DISGUSTINGLY TACKY to the point that myself and my friend C just had to leave. Last but not least the faux "Pajama Jam", where people felt the need to wear nighties and silk pjs and furry house shoes. Hilarious.

We stayed just long enough for them to play Beyonce's 'Get Me Bodied", which seems to have become the national female song of unity...lol.

The next day we collected our ski's (yes we had to carry them OURSELVES, TO the ski lodge....GREAT..*insert disgruntled smiley here*). At breakfast we were met with scone inspired pancakes (that translates into dry and crumbly), "scrambled eggs", bacon, sausage, grits, and cereal. Oh and please let me not forget the orange juice (from concentrate) that was 10% juice and 90% water...uh yea nasty.

At the ski resort we were all riddled with anticipation. The snow was well white and deceptively inviting. Some how some way, I decided to allow my friends to talk me into NOT taking ski lessons, absolutely the WORST decision ever. A little tidbit about me, I am accident prone ( i just play it off well), afraid of heights, and afraid of falling, HARD. So being adventurous, I wrapped myself up, put on my ski's and tried my damnedest not to fall.

So as we approached the bunny slope, my friends just jumped into it. I was hesitant. I was barely standing still on my ski's and you want me to go DOWN a slope. I took one look and new that if I wanted to live that I should probably sit this one out. I moved to the side and tried to maneuver myself through this skiing endeavor. Skiing folks is NO joke. I was on flat land and still wasn't able to grasp the fundamentals, and I was an athlete for goodness sake. Ha ha ha. I suppose the operative phrase here is USE TO BE, lol. As the children swooped past startling me, I realized that I should probably call it quits. I know I know, I so PUNKED out *insert sad face here*

It wasn't long before C and Co. returned asking me where I had been. I explained to them my skiing failure they laughed, I shrugged my shoulders, and we all decided to go SNOW TUBING.

I have come to the realization that I am a scary person at times. (Ok I already new this but now I am letting you know.) We arrive at the snowtubing area and I am not quite sure it is something that I want to do, but being that previously I opted out of an activity, I thought it would be in my best interest to participate. So I did. we walked around and up a mountain to the snow tubing line where we collected our family tube and we went plunging. I screamed as I saw my life flash before my eyes, I think I even shed a tear. For some reason I just can't stand that feeling of your stomach being in your throat, its just disturbing. After my fit and the realization that I was still alive, I realized that it wasn't all that bad. I'd do it again, but the line was long and it was time to go.

So my first ski experience was over. It was bitter sweet. Would I do it again. Heck yea.

Later on that evening we had 'dinner' which was the dining highlight of the whole trip since everything else left much to be desired and got ready for the 'evening' events.

Michael Blackston and Avant were performers for the evening. It was cool. Blackston did pretty much the same ish as always, so I was bored for a bit. Then Avant followed, asking people not to record videos or take pictures, do you think he got is wish?..lol

Avant kind of put me in a "I want a boo" mood, blah. Music is my muse and will ultimately be my demise. I got over it eventually. So that was the end of the trip just about, we partied (kind of), we hung out, and more importantly we got away. Lord knows you just need to get away sometimes, even if it is rom a hint of shady organization.

-Awaiting the next trip.....definitely somewhere warm...I can't wait!

Valentine's Day 2008

Valentine's day 2008. This is a day that I have distinctly made a point of disregarding in my life time. I suppose for the longest time, I associated Valentine's Day with certain things that made me resent it, you know stuff like, relationships, love, boys and anything that might make you go AWWWW. I didn't get a card or candy from a boy I liked so to me the day was a waste.

This year I received texts, and valentines from friends, primarily female. I went to a Jazz cafe in D.C. with my friends. But it was all still bitter sweet. I reminisced on Valentine's of old, as the jazz band played in the background, sultry sounds mixed with the up tempo beat of a drum, caressed with the underlying subtlety of the plucked strings of a bass. All the band members including the singer closed their eyes as they played...I closed mine too...I never really had a valentine, but I'd always wanted one. And to be honest I can't really remember any of the previous February 14th's except for one. I suppose I was especially miserable this day. I sat in the dark, and I didn't want to be bothered. I was sad. It was another February 14th and feel like in the relationship realm I had failed. Yes you have your friends that send you cute cards, you plan to do things to get your mind off of THIS day, but we had done all, and I sat, alone.

My phone rang and I picked it up. I had something at the Student Union Building. I wasn't really interested in leaving where I was, but I did. I was curious...I had something...hmm. I scurried over to see what it was. It was a single red carnation, with a ribbon and a message attached. If was from a person that at that time I was quite found of. He had taken the time to send ME a carnation with a message

"All Men Aren't Dogs"

I smiled a little. I knew that I could be really hard on the male species, but I think I was a victim of seeing too much before I had experienced it. And from what I had seen, I definitely could do with out actually going through such things myself. I said I smiled a little. I lied, I smiled, a lot. This had, kind of in a sick and debilitating way, warmed my heart and made me smile and made me actually believe that in that one instant that he was right, all men aren't dogs.

That was a valentine's day that I would never forget, other things happened that day but I'd rather focus on the good that come of that. There are a few things in my lifetime that I regret, but being a person that loves too hard at times is not one of those things. I can't help that I fall emotionally sometimes, but I know that, the emotion that I share with a few is genuine its real and should not be taken for granted. Valentines day is a day of love, respect and adoration, its a day were you realize that even with the bad that comes in relationships and friendships that just in that instant to feel the emotion of love is a blessing. I've loved (at least I think) and I have hurt (this I know for a fact), but I won't regret.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Dinner with my LS - The Prayer Formula-Food For the Soul

So my 5 and I (thats my line sister who's number is 5 for those that aren't following) met up at the Kona Grill just because, which is always nice considering that life has a funny way of commandeering as my mother would put it, ever moment and breath of our existence. At times we don't get the opportunity to breathe, not that we can't but we forget too. But this was my waiting to exhale moment minus a man to complicate things and the worries of the the world. So my LS, as well as one of my very best friends took the time to meet up for a momentary escape from reality. Many things were discussed, the state of the school system, the frightening state of the black youth, and how were going to get out and meet new people (primarily of the opposite sex). We ate some, some drank and then we continued to discuss life.

The Lord really works in some SUPER mysterious ways, he opens your eyes to things that are at times inconceivable leaving you to revel in the altruistic power of his love.

Anyhow my 5 and I were talking and was telling me about a sermon given by the pastor of her church discussing how to pray. As kids many of us are taught to pray, but few of really know how to pray, me included so what my LS was telling me made a lot of sense.

She said that her pastor told them that there was a prayer formula that hit 6 points:

1. Praise & Worship - Acknowledgment
2. Pray IN God's Will
3. Pray for Need
4. Pray for Forgiveness
5. Pray for Protection
6. Praise & Worship - Acknowledgment


She said that the Lord's Prayer was a perfect example or if you will prayer template.

Our Father, who art in heaven,

Hallowed be thy Name.

These first two lines are an example of acknowledging the most high

Thy kingdom come.

Thy will be done,

On earth as it is in heaven.

Here we have an example of praying in the will of God. It is the will of God that adequately and effectively drives the purpose in our lives.

Give us this day our daily bread.

Here we ask for the needs of the body soul and the spirit. Just like with anything you need nourishment (in whatever form it maybe) in order to function.

And forgive us our debts

As we forgive our debtors

Man I have such a HUGE problem with this. It is always so much easier to hold a grudge and harness dislike for an individual, but how can we truly be forgiven if we can't ourselves forgive? Forgiveness Forgiveness Forgiveness. Often times we don't afford people the right to such but we ask for it on a daily basis. We have to learn to forgive in order to be forgiven. Forgiveness is not our own to harbor selfishly.

And lead us not into temptation,

But deliver us from evil.

With all of the things that are happening in the world today, we cannot go into "battle" with out the proper protection. Asking the Lord for protection helps us in such a way that those things that seek to attack the mind, body, and spirit are held at bay because of the God that we serve. We even have to often times ask for protection from ourselves, because we can at times be our own worst enemy.

For thine is the kingdom,

and the power, and the glory,

for ever and ever.

And after all is said and done we take the time to re-acknowledge the Lord, affirming that we appreciate and love him knowing that all the things that we have prayed for will come to pass as he sees fit.

Sometimes we pray and we pray and we feel as though the things that we have have prayed for have not been fulfilled and have not been fulfilled in OUR time. I think it is important to remember that immediate gratification of anything is never lasts. It comes and it goes and we are still left were we began empty. So pray faithfully, diligently, and gracefully. Pray for yourself, your family, your friends and your enemies. Pray for patience, understanding, and fulfillment. For what God has for you is for you and you alone, no one can steal that blessing.

Prayerfully yours.....
AMEN!