Death never get easier to deal with...

Today they will lay to rest the body of Bradley Bassey Ekpo Eyo. I didn't know Bradley very well or maybe it is better stated that I hadn't seen or spoken to him in quite a few years. Although it had been sometime since I last saw him, what I do remember about him was his bigger than life personality and the way he made people laugh was truly a gift. The crazy kid that use to run around the Efik events with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

During the 2010 Christmas holiday I remember seeing facebook posts saying goodbye to Bradley. I remember thinking to myself, "wow, people really cared about this Bradley guy" and wondering to myself who he was. When I saw that I knew the young man myself, my heart was immediately heavy. How could this have happened? I couldn't begin to imagine what his family and close friends were going through, this was truly a great loss.

I attended his wake and was moved to tears by the things his friends and family did to celebrate a life gone too soon. We go to bed each day hoping to see the next, not ever expecting that our time here on earth at any time could expire. I grapple with the thought that the passing of such a young man was the will of God. Slain by "friend" and not foe, his life was TAKEN by a mere man. How could one be so reckless? How could one be so selfish. I sit and wonder if things had gone differently 5 minutes before if he would still be here. He would graduate college, he we get a job, find a wife, and he would learn the life lessons that he was supposed to learn and grow from. But none of that will happen. His life was taken and his body tossed with such disregard. Did the person that took his life not think about his family his friends? Did he not think about the person that he called "friend"? Bradely was 23 when he was killed, on the brink of being a man, but still very much a boy, the eldest of 4, gone in what seems like a blink of an eye.

Bradley, I know I didn't know you very well, which is something that I will eternally regret now that you are gone, but I pray that you are able to look over your family and friends. They painfully mourn your death and tearfully celebrate your life. Your presence, your joy, and spark for life will be missed by many. With your passing there indeed is a void that could never be filled, because there was only ONE Bradley Bassey Ekpo Eyo, never to be replaced. God is purposed in all that he does, and the fact that you have been taken away is painful, but your life will be celebrated and lifted up.

Know that those that knew you very well love you, and those that knew you a lifetime ago will miss you. Rest in peace & reside in love brethren and let your life and your story be one for others to remember for a lifetime.

Signed,

Living in the moment for tomorrow is not promised

Life (Dedicated to life of Bradley Bassey Ekpo Eyo, R.I.P)

Life is short they say

and I must agree

because at 23 he was taken so hastily

never imagining this day would come

family and friends mourn and some

cry to the heaven asking why,

while others hold their face tearfully saying goodbye

Goodbye son, brother, lover, and friend

Goodbye although I can't imagine that this is the end

one chapter closed and a heavenly chapter opened

you were ride or die on earth

now you will just ride in heaven

may your soul find peace

as your body is laid to rest

may your family find ease

even in the midst of your death

another man gone to soon

but we celebrate life

Rest in peace Bradley and know that this is not goodbye...

I love waking up...

I love waking up. Its the opportunity to tap into the untapped. Its a fresh start and a new beginning. Who could argue with that?

In Dire Need of "Grand Passion"...

Something has got to change. I have lived here for almost three years and have yet to have one gentleman caller. I feel kind of pathetic. A friend of mine has been here for 6 months and has had more callers than I can count. As much as I enjoy the peace and quiet I despise the peace and quiet that comes with loneliness. And lawd knows I am in dire need of a dose of "grand passion".

So maybe you are asking yourself what is grand passion? Well its hard to explain, but its one of those things that you know when you see it. Its a strong embrace, a passionate kiss, its the way that a man looks at a woman longingly before he encapsulates her in his arms and pulls her near. The way he tilts his head to the side moving his lips toward hers slowly until their lips dance a passionate tango, filled with emotion, wanting, and longing. Now THAT is grand passion. It's when Taye Diggs "hems up" Sanaa Lathan in Brown Sugar on the bookcase in her apartment. Its the moment when Idris Elba kisses ANY of his leading ladies (ugh so obsessed with this guy..lol). Is it so wrong to want that?

I am a ridiculously hopeless romantic. A dreamer. I long for the things that many people long for, companionship, love, and friendship. Its been 5 years since my last kiss, or intimate hug and I am really afraid that such intimacy has been lost in time never to be felt again.

In addition to mentioning that I was a hopeless romantic did I mention that I am a romantic cynic as well?..lol..welcome to the complex duality that is my mind.

Ugh..

Signed,

Missing the smell and touch of the XY

Happy Birthday to ME!!

Today is my 29th Birthday. I sometimes envision myself in a different place but I think that I for the first time am okay just being where I am. I am thankful for the many lessons, some of which I wish I didn't have to learn, but I think I am a better person for it. Now the only thing that I am wondering is what the future holds, I hope it is as good as I envision ;0)

Back to school work!

New Beginnings...

So thus begins a new educational journey. I have a few apprehensions that I am trying to work out, but I have a feeling that I am where I am suppose to be, now if someone could tell me what that means I would be most appreciative ;0).

I had distanced myself from my blogging. Sometimes I think that this might be something that can be used against me later in life, but then if reality is going to be used against me, then so be it. Trust me I have dealt with my share of battles in life. This blog was a way for me to purge myself and get out all of the emotions and thoughts that I often times have trouble verbalizing. It is my attempt at a false sense of openness. At times I think that I am saying too much, other times I censor myself and don't say enough. From now on, I am going to say what I feel, a happy meeting point between 'here' and 'there'.

So I have been trying to adopt a more positive outlook on life free of cynicism and sarcasm. As you can imagine, it has been super difficult. Why? Because my humor is sarcastic, and there was a point when I prided myself in "stating the facts" as there were (some might call this "Keepin' it real". Either way it goes, I kept it real to the point where I even questioned my own realness of my reality. So one day I ended it. Although it has been difficult it has worked out pretty well so far, well in some areas better than others. So I am going to try and keep it up.

Imaginary Love Lost..

Goodness it has been a LONG time...today I have encountered something that is acting as a catalyst for my post, read below:

It's interesting how one event, one moment in time can change you whole perspective on a lot of things. In college there was someone that I really really liked. I am not sure that I have ever like a person they way I did him. It could have been delusion and I could have made something out of nothing, but one thing that I know is that he was someone that I really enjoyed being around, I could honestly say that we were friends and that if he needed something that I would be there. But as they say all things come to an end so did our friendship. Why? Because emotions ALWAYS mess things up. My friendship turned into something more and his well, it stayed what it was friendship. It got to the point where I couldn't be around him, anything that he did I was racking my mind about what it meant or what it could mean. My mind was running a race that my heart couldn't keep up.

Today I saw that that friend was engaged. I'll admit a part of me died inside. I don't know if it was because I still had feelings for him or if it was because the idea of marriage seems in my world to be a fantasy that includes fairies and unicorns in a world where everything you wish comes true and happiness is the only emotion. Seems a bit pathetic. But I am a cynical hopeless romantic who still longs to feel love and be loved by that one guy, who in spite of my imperfections is able to see past that to my core. That one person that is able to peel back the layers of hurt and disappointment not by force but because I want to let them in, in a way that no one has before.

I haven't spoken to this friend in years. Its a friendship that I often times reflect on and wish I could have controlled my emotions, then maybe it would not have gone so wrong. There are few things that I regret in this life, and losing this friend is one. Now I am sad and question things that I knew to be truths. Its been a long time since I have felt like this. I don't like it.

Shambles...

Certain aspects of my life are in shambles...but I pick up the pieces and keep trucking....